Go Back   CruiseMates Cruise Community and Forums > People > Cruise Jokes & Trivia - Just For Laughs
Register Forgot Password?

Cruise Jokes & Trivia - Just For Laughs Share cruise trivia or jokes: Registered Users Only

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
  #1 (permalink)  
Old March 5th, 2008, 03:48 AM
samngeo's Avatar
Member
Passenger
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Kansas City MO
Posts: 42
Send a message via AIM to samngeo Send a message via Yahoo to samngeo
Default top 10 trek annoyances

Top 10 Things I Hate About Star Trek

10. Noisy doors.
You can't walk three feet in a starship without some door whooshing or screeching at you. My office building has automatic sliding doors. They're dead silent. If those doors went "wheet!" every time a person walked through them, about once a month some guy in accounting would snap and go on a shooting rampage. Sorry Scotty, the IEEE has revoked your membership until you learn to master WD-40

9. The Federation.
This organization creeps me out. A planet-wide government that runs everything, and that has abolished money. A veritable planetary DMV. Oh sure, it looks like a cool place when you're rocketing around in a Federation Starship, but I wonder how the guy driving a Federation dump truck feels about it?

And everyone has to wear those spandex uniforms. Here's an important fact: Most people, you don't want to see them in spandex. You'd pay good money to not have to see them. If money hadn't been abolished, that is. So you're screwed.

8. Reversing the Polarity.
For cripes sake Giordi, stop reversing the polarity of everything! It might work once in a while, but usually it just screws things up. I have it on good authority that the technicians at Starbase 12 HATE that. Every time the Enterprise comes in for its 10,000 hour checkup, they've gotta go through the whole damned ship fixing stuff. "What happened to the toilet in Stateroom 3?" "Well, the plumbing backed up, and Giordi thought he could fix it by reversing the polarity."

Between Scotty's poor lubrication habits and Geordi's damned polarity reversing trick, it's a wonder the Enterprise doesn't just spontaneously explode whenever they put the juice to it.

7. Seatbelts.
Yeah, I know this one is overdone, but you'd think that the first time an explosion caused the guy at the nav station to fly over the captain's head with a good 8 feet of clearance, someone would say, "You know, we might think of inventing some furutistic restraining device to prevent that from happening." So of course, they did make something like that for the second Enterprise (the first one blew up due to poor lubrication), but what was it? A hard plastic thing that's locked over your thighs. Oh, I'll bet THAT feels good in the corners. "Hey look! The leg-bars worked as advertised! There goes Kirk's torso!"

6. No fuses.
Every time there's a power surge on the Enterprise the various stations and consoles explode in a shower of sparks and throw their seatbelt-less operators over Picard's head. If we could get Giordi to stop reversing the polarity for a minute, we could get him to go shopping at the nearest Starship parts store and pick up a few fuses. And while he's shopping, he could stop at an intergalactic IKEA and pick up a few chairs for the bridge personnel. If you're going to put me in front of a fuseless exploding console all day, the least you could do is let me sit down.

5. Rule by committee.
Here's the difference between Star Trek and the best SF show on TV last year:

Star Trek:

Picard: "Arm photon torpedoes!"
Riker: "Captain! Are you sure that's wise?"
Troi: "Captain! I'm picking up conflicting feelings about this! And, it appears that you're a 'fraidy cat."
Wesley: "Captain, I'm just an annoying punk, but I thought I should say something."
Worf: "Captain, can I push the button? This is giving me a big Klingon warrior chubby."
Giordi: "Captain, I think we should reverse the polarity on them first."
Picard: "I'm so confused. I'm going to go to my stateroom and look
pensive."

Firefly:

Captain: "Let's shoot them."
Crewman: "Are you sure that's wise?"
Captain: "Do you know what the chain of command is? It's the chain I'll BEAT YOU WITH until you realize who's in command."
Crewman: "Aye Aye, sir!"

4. A Star Trek quiz:
Kirk, Spock, McCoy, and 'Ensign Gomez' beam down to a planet. Which one isn't coming back?

3. Technobabble.
The other night, I couldn't get my car to start. I solved the problem by reversing the polarity of the car battery, and routing the power through my satellite dish. The resulting subspace plasma caused a rift in the space-time continuum, which created a quantum tunnelling effect that charged the protons in the engine core, thus starting my car. Child's play, really. As a happy side-effect, I also now get the Spice Channel for free.

2. The Holodeck.
I mean, it's cool and all. But do you really believe that people would use it to re-create Sherlock Holmes mysteries and old-west saloons? Come on, we all know what the holodeck would be used for. And we also know what the worst job on the Enterprise would be: Having to squeegie the holodeck clean.

1. The Prime Directive.
How stupid is this? Remember when Marvin the Martian was going to blow up the Earth, because it obstructed his view of Venus? And how Bugs Bunny stopped him by stealing the Illudium Q36 Space Modulator? Well, in the Star Trek universe, Bugs would be doing time. Probably in a room filled with Roseanne lookalikes wearing spandex uniforms, walking through doors going WHEET! all day. It would be hell. At least until the Kaboom. The Earth-shattering Kaboom.
__________________
July 99 NCL Sea
Dec 00 NCL Norway
Feb 01 NCL Sky
Nov 01 Ocean Princess
Dec 01 Ocean Princess
Feb 02 NCL Norway
Dec 02 NCL Sun
Feb 03 NCL Wind
Dec 03 Coral Princess
Feb 04 Celeb Zenith
Nov 04 Rhapsody OS
Dec 04 Crnvl Elationx2
Aug 05 NCL Spirit
Oct 05 NCL Dream
Nov 05 Sapphire Princess
Dec 05 NCL Wind
Oct 06 Crnvl Pride
Nov 06 Crnvl Triumph
Nov 06 Star Princess
Feb 07 Crnvl Conquest
Apr 07 Crnvl Fascination
Oct 07 Radiance OS
Nov 07 Golden Princess
Feb 08 Crnvl Spirit
Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
  #2 (permalink)  
Old March 5th, 2008, 04:17 AM
Senior Member
Admiral
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Palm Coast, Florida
Posts: 19,372
Default



TM
__________________
CRUISES
Century 4/1998
Mercury 4/2000+4/2006+7/2007
Sensation 4/2002
Infinity 4/2003
Summit 4/2004+4/2005
Carnival Liberty New Year's Eve 2007
Liberty of the Seas 5/2008+11/2009
Solstice 4/2009
Oasis 4/2010+4/13/2013
Allure 1/16/ 2011
Equinox 4/11/2011
Independence of the Seas 12/29/2013 Top-notch!
Reply With Quote
  #3 (permalink)  
Old March 5th, 2008, 02:49 PM
Senior Member
Admiral
 
Join Date: Sep 2000
Location: MONTREAL
Posts: 1,985
Default

Reply With Quote
  #4 (permalink)  
Old March 6th, 2008, 02:19 AM
mehawk's Avatar
Senior Member
Admiral
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Houston aka Space City, Texas, USA
Posts: 9,687
Default

Warp 10... engage!
__________________
Michael

Cruised more times than I can remember.

Good people sleep peaceably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf.

Courage and perserverance have a magical talisman; before which difficulties disappear and obstacles vanish into the air.

Pick your company wisely! Hang around people who are going to help you become all God created you to be.
Reply With Quote
  #5 (permalink)  
Old March 6th, 2008, 02:51 PM
Senior Member
Cruise Maniac
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: California
Posts: 178
Default

We are forming an away team to come find you!!!!
Reply With Quote
  #6 (permalink)  
Old March 9th, 2008, 12:33 PM
Senior Member
Admiral
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Missouri
Posts: 2,917
Send a message via ICQ to JamesRT Send a message via MSN to JamesRT Send a message via Yahoo to JamesRT
Default

Very,Very Good!

__________________
Fantasy X 3
Conquest 2006
Triumph 2006
Reply With Quote
  #7 (permalink)  
Old July 13th, 2008, 12:34 AM
Hub's Avatar
Hub Hub is offline
Senior Member
Captain
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Mississippi Delta
Posts: 592
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by earl
Yeah baby, beam me up!
__________________
Carnival Triumph 8/10
Crown Princess, 10/08
Ocean Princess, 11/2000
Grandeur of the Seas, 8/99
Mercury, 11/98
Century, 10/97
Fascination, 10/96
Reply With Quote
  #8 (permalink)  
Old July 13th, 2008, 08:57 AM
skymaster's Avatar
Senior Member
Admiral
 
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Central Florida
Posts: 10,895
Default

I've got to let the lovely Mrs. Jones (Vita) take a look at this. She'll probably want to reverse the polarity on the computer, in order to get rid of this post,,,but I'll hear her coming into the room (because of the door making that WHEEEETTT noise when it slides open, and I'll power down this system to protect it from certain destruction.

GREAT POST!

THANKS,

Ken
"SKY"
__________________
Marine, Pilot, Singer, Tuba Player, Carnival "Diamond"!
Reply With Quote
  #9 (permalink)  
Old July 13th, 2008, 12:44 PM
mehawk's Avatar
Senior Member
Admiral
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Houston aka Space City, Texas, USA
Posts: 9,687
Default

It annoyed me that there were always some type of troubles ahead.
__________________
Michael

Cruised more times than I can remember.

Good people sleep peaceably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf.

Courage and perserverance have a magical talisman; before which difficulties disappear and obstacles vanish into the air.

Pick your company wisely! Hang around people who are going to help you become all God created you to be.
Reply With Quote
  #10 (permalink)  
Old July 13th, 2008, 04:35 PM
skymaster's Avatar
Senior Member
Admiral
 
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Central Florida
Posts: 10,895
Default

True Mehawk,,,,however,,,,James T. Kirk ALWAYS got the good looking alien women!!!! What a guy!!!!

Ken
"SKY"
__________________
Marine, Pilot, Singer, Tuba Player, Carnival "Diamond"!
Reply With Quote
  #11 (permalink)  
Old September 29th, 2010, 02:03 PM
Junior Member
Familiar Face
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Kansas City
Posts: 29
Default

Just digging through to waste time here and came across this one. sorry for bringing it back to life but I can't help it.

You see, being named after one of the characters somewhat obligates me to do so.
Reply With Quote
  #12 (permalink)  
Old September 29th, 2010, 03:08 PM
green_rd's Avatar
Senior Member
Admiral
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Indianapolis (USA)
Posts: 5,358
Default

It was Lost in Internet Space.

Hadn't seen this one before. I liked the comments about the Federation. This was supposed to be Gene Rodenberry's ant-war statement, but even the one-universe government had problems. Hmm.
__________________
Bob

A Bad Day At Sea [with power] Always Beats A Good Day At Work
Carnival: Glory 2004, Destiny 2008, Splendor 2009, Freedom 2011, Valor 2012, Dream 2013
Celebrity: Summit 2011
Princess: Ruby 2010, 2014, Caribbean 2013, Coral 2014
Reply With Quote
  #13 (permalink)  
Old September 29th, 2010, 04:55 PM
Junior Member
Familiar Face
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Kansas City
Posts: 29
Default

Green-

That was a bit of trivia I hadn't heard before. I am ashamed of myself now, I should've known it....
Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Tags
annoyances, star, tos, trek

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Snuba or Sea Trek Leni Carnival Cruise Lines 1 October 14th, 2010 04:20 PM
Sea Trek excursion Khrysta Carnival Cruise Lines 2 April 5th, 2005 05:53 AM
Glacier Trek Anyone? JimH Alaska 6 September 9th, 2002 07:55 AM
Helicopoter Glacier Trek .... Tanya Alaska 2 June 9th, 2002 12:35 PM
Extended Glacier Trek carla Alaska 1 March 4th, 2002 06:37 PM


Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On


 

All times are GMT -4. The time now is 05:03 AM.
design by: Themes by Design

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.1