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-   -   This is not a joke! (http://www.cruisemates.com/forum/cruise-jokes-trivia-just-laughs/362524-not-joke.html)

Dave the Wave March 18th, 2009 10:37 PM

This is not a joke!
 
http://www.baynews9.com/images/news/.../lglockejr.jpg

http://www.baynews9.com/content/36/2...18/450023.html

When you click on the link you must go to post a comment so you can read the comments. I was LMAO! rofl rofl rofl rofl my comment is by DTW.

He who smelt it, must have farted on the bus
Wednesday, March 18, 2009


POLK COUNTY (Bay News 9) -- A Polk County student is banned from riding the bus for three days after he apparently passed gas while on the bus.

Bill Duncan Opportunity School eighth grader Johnathon Locke Jr. says he wasn't even the one who, well, farted.

"And it wasn't even me," Locke said. "It was a kid in front of me."

It appears that Locke's assumed guilt is based on the old rule, "he who smelt it, dealt it."

"Everybody like then smelled a fart, so then I started laughing," Locke said. "And then the bus driver thought that I did it, and then she wrote me up for it."

But the school district doesn't have a specific policy on passing gas on a school bus. But it does have a rule against disruptive behavior.

An official school bus misbehavior form reads, "Johnathon passes gas on the bus to make the other children laugh, and it is so stink that you can't breathe after he does it."

Locke's father admits his son hasn't been perfect in school, but figures this is taking school bus rules a little too far.

"It was something more than I could comprehend over something so silly," said Johnathon Locke Sr.

Officials at the school didn't respond to Bay News 9's call about this story. :wink:

thecruisequeen March 18th, 2009 11:07 PM

like the old saying goes....better to feel the shame then the pain!!! LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL

Mean Dean March 18th, 2009 11:28 PM

Punishment's probably a little harsh.

On the other hand, I wouldn't want to ride with this kid........

katlady March 18th, 2009 11:29 PM

Farting is your butt's way of saying "hi" when you forget it's there.

thecruisequeen March 18th, 2009 11:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by katlady
Farting is your butt's way of saying "hi" when you forget it's there.


rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl

thecruisequeen March 18th, 2009 11:41 PM

I don't know if this chick gets asked on any dates???? :-? :-? :-?


http://www.dailyhaha.com/_pics/fart_date.jpg

Ephraim March 19th, 2009 12:36 AM

That bus needs a sign...

http://www.massivelatte.com/images/no_fart.jpg

rinker250 March 19th, 2009 01:29 AM

"Answer the phone, some azzhole is calling!"

Dave the Wave March 19th, 2009 08:50 AM

They should just let it pass, it is long gone now with the wind. Forgive and forget.

"Let he who is without fart, cast the first stone"

Dave the Wave March 19th, 2009 10:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by thecruisequeen
like the old saying goes....better to feel the shame then the pain!!! LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL

Good one!

"Beans, beans, good for your heart,
The more you eat the more you fart"



"Beans, Beans, the magical fruit,
the more you eat the more you toot"


rofl rofl rofl

Dave the Wave March 19th, 2009 12:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by thecruisequeen
I don't know if this chick gets asked on any dates???? :-? :-? :-?


http://www.dailyhaha.com/_pics/fart_date.jpg

I would still go out with her. :wink:

kandajones March 19th, 2009 05:09 PM

I don't see why all the fuss, perhaps he thought he was doing his bit for the environment ....

We've had gas powered buses for years LOL http://www.arunautogas.co.uk/images/...Bus-banner.jpg I drive on natural gas

rinker250 March 19th, 2009 10:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dave the Wave
Quote:

Originally Posted by thecruisequeen
like the old saying goes....better to feel the shame then the pain!!! LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL

Good one!

"Beans, beans, good for your heart,
The more you eat the more you fart"



"Beans, Beans, the magical fruit,
the more you eat the more you toot"


rofl rofl rofl

The more you fart/toot the better you feel,
so eat your beans at every meal

thecruisequeen March 19th, 2009 11:06 PM

I wonder if the kid was wearing these????? :-? :-? :-? :-? :-?



http://www.city-data.com/forum/attac...mes-diaper.jpg

rinker250 March 19th, 2009 11:11 PM

I have some u-trou that says "exit only"

But, that is another topic, right?

thecruisequeen March 19th, 2009 11:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rinker250
I have some u-trou that says "exit only"

But, that is another topic, right?

Exit it better then Enter!! :shock: :shock: :o :o

rinker250 March 19th, 2009 11:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by thecruisequeen
Quote:

Originally Posted by rinker250
I have some u-trou that says "exit only"

But, that is another topic, right?

Exit it better then Enter!! :shock: :shock: :o :o

Frigga Digga!!!

thecruisequeen March 19th, 2009 11:25 PM

LOL LOL LOL LOL :twisted:

Manuel March 20th, 2009 04:49 AM

Passing gas is just a natural body function. No reason for anyone to get upset over.

TM

Manuel March 20th, 2009 04:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by thecruisequeen
I don't know if this chick gets asked on any dates???? :-? :-? :-?


http://www.dailyhaha.com/_pics/fart_date.jpg

She is cute, and most likely she is happy, so she would make a good date.

TM

thecruisequeen March 20th, 2009 07:48 AM

We now have a "Fart Thread" to add to the list of the wonderful threads on CM!! LOL LOL :twisted: :shock: :roll: :wink: 8) :shock:

skymaster March 20th, 2009 09:26 AM

I'll wager the kid was "railroaded". I think the chick that farts on the first date was seated in front of him..... LOL
Yep, If I was young and single, I'd date her too. Probably a lot of fun on a date..... :shock:

Ken
"SKY"

thecruisequeen March 20th, 2009 09:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by skymaster
Probably a lot of fun on a date..... :shock:

Ken
"SKY"

If you can stand the smell?? LOL LOL LOL LOL :twisted: :twisted:

Dave the Wave March 20th, 2009 01:51 PM

An update.

http://www.theledger.com/article/200...ver-Passed-Gas

Dave the Wave March 20th, 2009 02:03 PM

This is interesting....

http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Fart

Try some of these if you are bored in the office.

http://www.fart-sound.com/

Don't fart in your wet suit!

http://www.funnyfartsounds.org/holding_in_fart.jpg

Dave the Wave March 20th, 2009 02:31 PM

http://www.fartfreeohio.com/fartfree.jpg

On November 7, 2006 Ohio took it’s first step in the war on stinky air by eliminating smoking in public places.

IT IS NOW TIME OHIO! Yes, it is now time to take back clean air by the total elimination of flatulence in public places in Ohio. It is the purpose of this website to provide information to you so we can fight the righteous fight against fart.

Under our proposal farting would be eliminated in all public places in Ohio. For bars and restaurants farting would be permitted in outdoor farting patios. For the sake of safely these farting patios must be seperated from the smoking patio. Farting will be totally elimated from all places of employment. Private clubs may allow farting. All places of business must have a no farting sign prominently displayed with a number to call in case of violations.

Fines may be levied on each violation of the law. An individual may receive a warning, fine, or prison time. A business that allows farting may be fined up to $2,500 and may be shut down.

Police shall be equipped with fart-sniffing dogs.

Our goal is to get a referendum on Ohio’s ballot to force the legislature to enact such a law through a petition process. At present Ohio’s lawmakers have simply passed on gas.
We are just now getting started on this process. Check back often for updates!

Dave the Wave March 20th, 2009 03:45 PM

Has anyone ever tried this?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fart_lighting

from here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fart_lighting

Fart lighting, (also called fart-burning, blue-darting, blue flame, blue angel, flatus ignition, and pyroflatulence) is the practice of setting fire to the gases produced by human flatulence, often producing a blue hue.

Although there is little scientific discourse on the combustive properties of flatus, there are many anecdotal accounts of flatus ignition, and the activity has increasingly found its way into popular culture with references in comic routines, movies, and television; including cartoons.


[edit] Chemistry
The composition of flatus varies dramatically among individuals. Flatulence produces a mixture of gases with the following six as major components:[1]

carbon dioxide,
hydrogen,
hydrogen sulfide
methane,
nitrogen, and
oxygen.
Methane burns in oxygen forming water and carbon dioxide often producing a blue hue (ΔHc = -891 kJ/mol),[2] as:

CH4(g) + 2O2(g) → CO2(g) + 2H2O(g)
Hydrogen sulfide also combusts (ΔHc = -519 kJ/mol)[3] to

2H2S(g) + 3O2(g) → 2SO2(g) + 2H2O(g)
The odor associated with flatus is due to hydrogen sulfide, skatole, indole, volatile amines and short chain fatty acids. These substances are detectable by olfactory neurons in concentrations as low as 10 parts per billion, hydrogen sulfide being the most odorous.[4]


[edit] Gas production
The gases are produced by bacteria which live in symbiosis within the large intestines of humans and other mammals . The gases are created as a by-product of the bacteria's digestion working to break food down into elementary substances.[5]


[edit] Flammability
Because the methane and hydrogen present are flammable, igniting the resulting gases can result in burns or explosions as well as the desired flame. Clothing or hair may catch fire and sensitive tissues can be damaged. The flame is not always blue but may also be orange or yellow as well, depending on the composition of the gas and the microorganisms living in the colon.


[edit] Technique and safety
The act of fart lighting is performed by using an opened flame such as a candle or a cigarette lighter. There are web sites on the internet devoted exclusively to explaining proper lighting techniques.[6] Common problems reported are severe and painful burns around and about the anus. Reports of serious burns to body parts are not uncommon but clothing helps to protect one's skin. Wearing pants (e.g. thick cotton sweatpants) is a good safety precaution. As with all fire stunts, cotton clothes (particularly if damp), or even better, wool, are safer than synthetics. The fire point of cotton is 210 °C (410 °F), and it is hard to ignite accidentally. But many common synthetic fabrics such as polyester fleece or nylon can easily catch fire or melt to the skin.[7]


[edit] Motivations
The manly art of fart-burning. Compression, ignition, combustion and exhaust."[8][9]

—Frank Zappa
Fart lighting has been a novelty practice primarily among young men or college students for decades,[10] but is discouraged for its potential for causing injury. Such experiments typically occur on camping trips and single-sex group residences, such as tree-houses, dormitories, or fraternity houses.[11] With the advent of video sharing features online, hundreds of self-produced videos, both documentary as well as spoof, have been posted to sites such as YouTube. The people appearing in the videos are predominantly young males.[12][13] In his book The Curse of the Self: Self-Awareness, Egotism, and the Quality of Human Life author Mark Richard Leary explains how a great deal of unhappiness is due to people's inability to exert control over their thoughts and behavior and that "stupid stunts" including lighting flatulence was a way to make an impression and be included in group bonding or hazing.[14]


[edit] Serious injuries
The flammability of bodily gases has caused serious problems in the medical operating room and also in animal slaughterhouses. There have been many reports in the medical literature of "life-threatening explosions" in patients undergoing electrocautery of colon polyps or other lesions.[15] In one case, the explosion resulted in a six-inch (15 cm) hole in the patient's large intestine. However, the hole was repaired and the patient recovered.[16]


[edit] Usages in popular culture
Many find a comedic value in fart lighting and the activity is increasingly represented in pop culture possibly because "for adults, the allure of the vulgar is regressionary and often secretly pleasurable."[17]


[edit] In comic routines
Radio personality Howard Stern, dubbed a shock jock for his controversial use of scatological humor on The Howard Stern Show, cites a fart-lighting scene for losing his popular show's first NBC affiliate when WGIT in Hartford canceled the show.[18] The Flaming Gerbil Legend was reported by Robert D. Raiford on the John Boy and Billy radio show.[19][20]


[edit] In music
The 1968 Mothers of Invention song "Let's Make The Water Turn Black" is a true story of two adolescent brothers who were neighbors of composer Frank Zappa. Among their other antics, they would spend time after school attempting to light each other's flatulence.


[edit] In movies
Fart lighting is the major plot device that starts the film South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut. Shortly after the characters are introduced, one character, Kenny McCormick dies after attempting to light one of his own farts on a dare. (Kenny's deaths from odd causes are a running gag in the series). The children make this dare in response to seeing Terrance and Phillip light each other's flatulence in the movie-within-the-movie, Asses of Fire. After lighting his fart, Kenny combusts and goes to the hospital; through a series of events the doctors replace his heart with a baked potato and it explodes, killing him and sending him to hell.[21] Also, in the very first episode of the TV show, South Park, ("Cartman Gets an Anal Probe"), Cartman shoots fire out of his anus by virtue of an alien satellite dish inserted in his rectum.

A fantasy sequence in Dumb and Dumber depicts the lead character, played by Jim Carrey, lighting a fart as a party trick in polite company. These unusual circumstances for the trick are intentionally jarring; the character's fantasy is established as bizarre and unrealistic.[22]

In the 1993 movie Dennis the Menace, Dennis was a "captive" of small time crook Switchblade Sam who, in his stupidity, allowed himself to be tied up by Dennis. The key (lost in the tin of baked beans) was to be found by feeding them to Switchblade Sam who was sitting by the fire. Hours later, the beans had their desired effect with flames licking his ankles.[citation needed]

In Extreme Days, the four main male characters are shown in one scene lighting farts in a dark hotel room and laughing hysterically.[citation needed]

In the 1985 movie Weekend Warriors, the guardsmen in the unit all cheer on, as one of their number eats beans and then proceeds to engage in pyroflatulence, just as a visiting congressman enters the room. The viewer can see the congressman's shocked face by the light of the flame.[citation needed]

In the film Beavis and Butt-head Do America the pair encounter their fathers in the desert. Over the encounter, the elder man resembling Butt-head offers to show something really cool, then farts into the campfire with atomic results.[23]

In the Christmas sequence which opens Ingmar Bergman film Fanny and Alexander, the titular kids are given a fart-lighting demonstration by their uncle.

In the film Jack, Jack, played by Robin Williams, and his friends from school light up farts in a tree house.[24]


[edit] In television
In the British comedy Bottom the character Richard Richard, a 40-year-old virgin played by famous English comedian Rik Mayall, attempts to sell his soul in order to have sex with beautiful women.[25] In order to seal his pact he eats the "sprouts of evil" (sprouts left over from last Christmas cooked in curry sauce.) Richard also forces his friends to eat some. When the characters regain consciousness hours later; they literally fart flames. One character sets a settee on fire while another ignites a volatile alcohol and destroys the conservatory.(a photo can be seen here.)

In UPN's sitcom Rock Me Baby, two disc jockeys perform the practice on the air. Shortly afterwards, an entire frat house, inspired by the broadcast, is hospitalized for rectal burning and cauterization after attempting to light their farts—resulting in guilt, heavy fines for the station, and public backlash.[26]

In the Beavis and Butt-head episode "Butt Flambé", the duo visit an emergency room after Beavis severely burns himself by lighting a fart.[27]

In Family Guy Viewer mail #1, Chris Griffin received the powers of pyrokinesis, and lit Peter Griffin's fart, creating a flame several feet long.[28][28] In 14 May 2006 Untitled Griffin Family History's episode, the history starts with God fart lighting to produce the Big bang with the objects of the Milky Way solar system apparently God's effluence.

A Bud Light 2004 Super Bowl commercial featured a horse-drawn carriage in which a couple is building romance and the man hands a woman a lit candle. While he leans down again to retrieve the Bud Light; the horse farts and the gases, ignited by the candle flame, cause an explosion and we see the results of the woman's "blown out" hair and soot-covered face. At the end of the commercial, a passer-by refers to it as a "Rocket Sleigh".[29]

In the animated series Johnny Test a character, Johnny X, has the ability to produce farting flames called "power poots".[30]

The opening theme song to The Man Show includes the line "Quit your job and light a fart" and made numerous references to the practice of fart lighting throughout the show's run.

In an episode of the satire puppet show Spitting Image, Rupert Murdoch uses lighted farts to make toast.[31][32]

In an episode of Kenny vs Spenny. Kenny Hotz attempts to light the fart of his infant nephew in hopes of making a viral video.


[edit] Patents
On 2 May 2000, a U.S. patent was issued for a "Toy gas fired missile and launcher assembly", a product that would allow one's "colonic gases" to be stored for later ignition to "fire the missile into space."[33

susierphillips March 20th, 2009 03:46 PM

This story about that kid is a joke, right? If it isn't, that school district has way too much time on their hands.

Dave the Wave March 20th, 2009 03:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by susierphillips
This story about that kid is a joke, right? If it isn't, that school district has way too much time on their hands.

No, it is not a joke!

susierphillips March 20th, 2009 04:11 PM

Amazing. How embarrasing for him, though.


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