Best Titanic Jokes

[Paul Motter]

* What was the last thing anyone said on the Titanic? 'I know I ordered ice but this is ridiculous!'

* What sort of cake do they have for desert on the Titanic? Upside-down cake!

* What goes down well with ice? The Titanic!

* What do you get if you cross the Atlantic Ocean with the Titanic? About halfway!

* The chief designer of the Titanic had a lisp. That's unthinkable!

* On the Titanic the captain calls a meeting of his officers:
'I have some good news and some bad news. Which do you want to hear first?'
'The good news', replies an officer.
'We'll get eleven Oscars.'

* Titanic was about to sink.
Passenger: How far are we from land?
Captain: Two miles...
Passenger: which direction?
Captain: Down

* So there were some good things that came out of the Titanic sinking:
According to the news, the last survivor was fond of saying: 'If it hadn't been for the ship going down, I'd be an American'.

*Sign seen in an office: The difference between this place and the Titanic is.... they had a band!

*Management consultant to crewmember -
Consultant: To confirm, are we short of lifebelts or lifeboats?
Crewmember: Both, Sir.
Consultant. Excellent, we've made savings across the board.

*Heard when the ship went down...
So this isn't New York?
It's still better than Carnival!
So has the all-night buffet been canceled?
How big a carry on can I take on the lifeboat?
Do you mind if I hold your baby for a minute?
This is definitely the last time I book a cheap repositioning cruise!
Ah, so this is what they mean by 'cruise to nowhere'.
We can't afford to stop here long. I've got a plane to catch in New York.
Nobody reads my tweets, but if we get one of the celebrities on board to twitter this, it'll hit the news!
Ooh my wife's fallen overboard. Hold the lifeboat. I've got to update my facebook status.

[green_rd]

Without the Titanic we would be missing a great meeting put down.

His plan is like rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic.

[Lakers Fan]

In my humble opinion there is nothing funny about disasters and people dying .

[Paul Motter]

In my humble opinion there is nothing funny about disasters and people dying .

Wow, I feel like I just went to my high school reunion and my toupee fell off. (that would be "embarassed")

Henry - I thought there was a statute of limitations on disaster grief. Like 100 years or so.

Anyway - if you think about it, at least some of these jokes are more of an homage; like "It's still better than Carnival" (or insert your own cruise line there). Or "whats the difference between this place and the Titanic - the Titanic had music".

Besides that, Mrs. Lincoln, how was the play?

[Kimbopolo]

Originally Posted by Paul Motter

* Do you mind if I hold your baby for a minute?

too funny!

[Manuel]

I will tell those jokes to my tablemates during our next cruise.

TM

[Paul Motter]

Okay - that's a sign that people definitely have different senses of humor. I thought the baby joke was the least funny.

I like this one "if you think this is bad, last week I was on Carnival."

and the morbid one (sorry Henry)...

"How close is the nearest land? two miles? which way? straight down!"

[Manuel]

Paul, we should tell ND that if the Titanic had propusion problems it would have not reached the iceberg.

TM

[Rev22:17]

Paul and all RMS Titanic Fans,

Y'all might be interested in the 1898 novella Futility, or the Wreck of the Titan, by Morgan Robertson. The link above provides the full text, in a format that's fairly easy to read on line.

Wikipedia has a discussion of similarities to RMS Titanic, which sank fourteen years after the publication of the novella.

Norm.

[Paul Motter]

Rev - yes, the similarities seem eerie, but didn't you know Robertson sank the Titanic? he made the iceberg in his refrigerator and towed it out from Greenland with a rowboat.

It was a publicity stunt to sell his book. Little did he know Wikipedia would steal the copy and publish it for free!

Bushwacked!

[Lakers Fan]

Paul :

Do you tell jokes about the holocaust or 911 ? In my opinion there are limitations .My best friend was murdered some time ago and to me one does not joke about a trajedy .

[Rev22:17]

Henry43,

Originally Posted by You

Paul :

Do you tell jokes about the holocaust or 911 ? In my opinion there are limitations .My best friend was murdered some time ago and to me one does not joke about a trajedy .

Actually, humor is often a very effective way to alleviate pain. A couple decades ago, one of my cousins (who was then on active duty in the U. S. Air Farce) repeated some of the jokes about the space shuttle Challenger disaster that were making the rounds at his command during a family clambake. A couple examples:

>> NASA -- Need Another Seven Astronauts

>> NASA -- Now Accepting Seven Applications

He had a whole string of them, but these are the ones that come to mind.

Norm.

[Paul Motter]

Henry - I am very sorry but I hope you realize that there is absolutely nothing personal in any of this at all.

I sympathize with you and I can even stop posting here, but I think this is bigger than you or me.

The guy who left these jokes (where I found them) said the people who capsized in Antarctica a few years ago used them to keep their spirits up while they waited to be rescued. I have been in that kind of environment and I am sure they are scared as h***

So, I don't joke about the holocaust because there is nothing funny about it. But what you are saying is that humor is inherently bad. I disagree.

If you read the most famous Holocaust book there is, "Night" by Elie Wiesel you would see he learned to survive by learning to accept his situation - not by protesting or living in anger, but by accepting even his father's death for what it was and letting go. I think humor is a tool to do that. He said "The opposite of love is not hate, it is indifference.”

Titanic happened in 1912, before they even had the technology they have today. I am not making fun of the people who died. I am joking about the irony of the situation where a company thought they had "the ultimate" and it totally failed.

I watch TV night after night where "murder" is merely considered a theme to hang a plot around. Every comedian says there is a fine line between comedy and tragedy. They say "I killed out there, they were dyin', I was killin' 'em." In fact, among comedians it is like an inside sport to use comedy for "taboo subjects" they generally dont use in public. There are holocaust jokes out there, and they are not funny, but a writer on the Daily Show brags she got the job by dropping a Holocaust joke with Jon Stewart when they first met.

My point is that in our society it is perfectly acceptable to use death as a tangential concept not truly related to the real act of dying.

How many shows on TV or movie would disappear of you outlawed death as an acceptable topic of conversation?

Are the Three Stooges are not funny because people can really get hurt hitting other people with hammers and saws? Or is there a distinction between being serious and finding humor in the any given situation.

But the holocaust was an act of genocide, extremely racist and cruel. The Titanic did not have the same element of hate and cruelty. It was just fate. We all die.

I truly hope that the day I die I am able to smile about it.

[Lakers Fan]

I did read the book Night by Elie Wiesel and I have been fortunate to have discussed the book with him in person many years ago .

We obviously disagree on this topic .I would think that the majority of people posting on this site would agree with me .

[Dave Beers]

I recall my father and others who served in WWII looking forward to Hogan's Heroes each week. They were laughing at jokes and scripts about the SS and the Gestapo - certainly two groups which caused untold grief and tragedy - and enjoyed it immensely because the writers were making fun of some monstrous people, but people who had murdered millions.

Good humor is best when it has a basis in truth - whatever that truth is including darker subjects.

I remember a joke going around after the Challenger disaster..."No! I said a Bud Light!" Sorry, but it was funny.

On topic - I read today that an allegation has surfaced (ahem) about the helmsman on the Titanic having a mental disconnect on whether to turn left or right and he chose wrong. When I was in the Marines, when someone turned in the opposite direction from what was ordered, we'd often chastise them with "No! Your military left (or right)!"

[Manuel]

Originally Posted by Dave Beers

When I was in the Marines, when someone turned in the opposite direction from what was ordered, we'd often chastise them with "No! Your military left (or right)!"

We did the same in the Army.

TM

[Paul Motter]

I do agree with you that a few of them are tasteless. But I find the ones that generally are about the mistaken concept of Titanic being unsinkable are pretty funny.

"What's the difference between this place and Titanic? Titanic had a band."

I am interested in seeing what people think about this, though, so would you object if I put up a poll to ask if people find these jokes tasteless?

[Manuel]

Originally Posted by Paul Motter

I
I am interested in seeing what people think about this, though, so would you object if I put up a poll to ask if people find these jokes tasteless?

Go ahead and put up a poll. I am interested in seeing it myself.

TM

[Ring of Gold]

Norm-

Thank you for the link to the story. I did not know of its existence until now, and it was well worth the read.

RoG

[Rev22:17]

RoG,

Originally Posted by You

Thank you for the link to the story. I did not know of its existence until now, and it was well worth the read.

You're welcome!

Norm.

[charmil20091]

Thanks for sharing jokes.
In next Cruise Trip, it will help all of my friends for laughing.

[ruthlessboss]

Yes, there's a fine line in tragedy jokes, but the ones posted were not vulgar or intended to harm. The jokes were a result of an unintended event to a ship, even though it resulted in deaths. It cannot be compared to the Holacost where death was cruelly intentional.

[Truck Cruiser]

Angel to God.....did you hear what they said?.....God....what that I couldn't even sink the titanic? Watch this!!

Man floating in the sea after the Titanic sank....Lord, I hope these are holy waters....Shark, "Lord I thank you for this feast!"

I bet there wasn't any women complaining about equal rights that day.

[Billy Squibble]

Originally Posted by Henry43

In my humble opinion there is nothing funny about disasters and people dying .

I have just seen a poster advertising "Titanic The Musical" at the Liverpool Empire so I guess there must have been something to sing and dance about.

[KellyKayden]

Originally Posted by Billy Squibble

I have just seen a poster advertising "Titanic The Musical" at the Liverpool Empire so I guess there must have been something to sing and dance about.

I actually saw this show.....and it was more unomfortable to listen to than any of these jokes...lol

I think the jokes are funny beause they aren't gory and don't really signal anyone out.

However, a few years ago I went to 'Dave and Busters' (it a giant arcade for adults) with a buddy of mine. They actually had a titanic video game...where the goal was to get a bunch of points to make the boat tip up then eventually it sank. Now THAT was a bit much...in fact....I believe he took a bunch of pictures of it beause we just could not believe it existed

[Snoozeman]

At my Scottish Festival one year a vendor had a big Titanic inflatable, the type that kids could climb and then slide down the sinking ship. It was popular with the kids, but I did hear a few complaints. I'm busy during that time so I never really put 2 + 2 together until the comments came.

[Paul Motter]

They have one of those Titanic slides at a Greek festival by my house every year as well. The kids love it, but kids love situations where there is "danger" - didn't most of us play "war" as kids? (us older kids anyway)

[78goldwing]

I've obviously run across this thread w-a-y past the beginning but I found it after attending a Remembering Titanic & Other Ship Disasters at a local funeral home today. Part of that memorial was telling jokes because, let's admit it, that's the way America deals with tragedy! I was looking up the 2 miles to land - straight down - because that was one of the ones told today at the funeral home. And do you know what? It was nice to be able to laugh in a funeral home chapel instead of crying. People need to lighten up!

[KDGodwin]

Thanks for posting, I had never seen this thread, but it popped up tonight when I was looking through the new posts!

Very funny jokes!

Some people are just stiffs, not to mention any name.

[Dhill]

OH MY GOD HENERY lighten up Henry they were just jokes for crying out loud,