Go Back   CruiseMates Cruise Community and Forums > People > Cruise Jokes & Trivia - Just For Laughs
Register Forgot Password?

Cruise Jokes & Trivia - Just For Laughs Share cruise trivia or jokes: Registered Users Only

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
  #1 (permalink)  
Old November 10th, 2010, 07:38 PM
Spectra's Avatar
Member
Familiar Face
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Germany
Posts: 53
Default Company's Christmas Party

Company Memo

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: October 1, 2009

RE: Gala Christmas Party

I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols... feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 PM. Exchanges of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees!

Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time!

Merry Christmas to you and your family,

Patty



Company Memo

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: October 2, 2009

RE: Gala Holiday Party

In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on, we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians and to those still celebrating Reconciliation Day. There will be no Christmas tree and no Christmas carols will be sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.

Happy now?

Happy Holidays to you and your family,

Patty




Company Memo

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: October 3, 2009

RE: Holiday Party

Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table, you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only", you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle this?

Somebody?

And sorry, but forget about the gift exchange, no gifts are allowed since the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and the executives believe $10.00 is a little chintzy.

REMEMBER: NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.






Company Memo

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

To: All Employees

DATE: October 4, 2009

RE: Generic Holiday Party

What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party or else package everything for you to take it home in little foil doggy baggy. Will that work?

Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet, and pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms.

Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with Gay men, each group will have their own table. Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the Gay men's table.

To the person asking permission to cross dress, the Grill House asks that no cross-dressing be allowed, apparently because of concerns about confusion in the restrooms. Sorry.

We will have booster seats for short people.

Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet.

I am sorry to report that we cannot control the amount of salt used in the food. The Grill House suggests that people with high blood pressure taste a bite first.

There will be fresh "low sugar" fruits as dessert for diabetics, but the restaurant cannot supply "no sugar" desserts. Sorry!

Did I miss anything?!?!?

Patty





Company Memo

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All F*%^ing Employees

DATE: October 5, 2009

RE: The F*%^ing Holiday Party

I've had it with you vegetarian pricks!!! We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your f*%^ing salad bar, including organic tomatoes. But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW!

The rest of you f*%^ing wierdos can kiss my *ss. I hope you all have a rotten holiday!

Drive drunk and die,

The B*tch from H*ll!!!




Company Memo

FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director

DATE: October 6, 2009

RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party

I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery and I'll continue to forward your cards to her.

In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.

Happy Holidays!

Joan
__________________



to Western Caribbean on Carnival Valor



Read and post cruise reviews
Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
  #2 (permalink)  
Old November 10th, 2010, 09:16 PM
Senior Member
Admiral
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Palm Coast, Florida
Posts: 19,546
Question

This above post is funny, but it is also sad, because it is so true. :eek: :???:

TM
__________________
CRUISES
Century 4/1998
Mercury 4/2000+4/2006+7/2007
Sensation 4/2002
Infinity 4/2003
Summit 4/2004+4/2005
Carnival Liberty New Year's Eve 2007
Liberty of the Seas 5/2008+11/2009
Solstice 4/2009
Oasis 4/2010+4/13/2013
Allure 1/16/ 2011
Equinox 4/11/2011
Independence of the Seas 12/29/2013 Top-notch!
Reply With Quote
  #3 (permalink)  
Old November 11th, 2010, 06:54 AM
kandajones's Avatar
Senior Member
Admiral
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Southampton, England, UK
Posts: 1,052
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Manuel View Post
This above post is funny, but it is also sad, because it is so true. :eek: :???:

TM

Well almost true, "An afternoon off with full pay", I wish.

Happy holidays everyone - errrrr can I say holiday doesn't that come from Holy Day

Alan
__________________
Last Cruise: Azamara Journey August 2014
Next: Queen Victoria November 2014
Followed by: Queen Elizabeth December 2014 and Minvera April 2015

History :
Golden, Grand(2), Caribbean, Sea(4+1 aborted)
Adonia(4+2), Arcadia, Artemis(2), Aurora(5), Azura(2), Oceana(3), Oriana(11), Ventura(2), Victoria(5)
QM2(2), QE2(9), QV(5), QE, Caronia(2), Minerva II, Fred.Olsen(8), NCL Jade, =X= Eclipse, HAL Ryndam, Aza.Journey
Reply With Quote
  #4 (permalink)  
Old November 11th, 2010, 08:05 AM
green_rd's Avatar
Senior Member
Admiral
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Indianapolis (USA)
Posts: 5,425
Default

Alan - ssshh - most Americans don't know that
__________________
Bob

A Bad Day At Sea [with power] Always Beats A Good Day At Work
Carnival: Glory 2004, Destiny 2008, Splendor 2009, Freedom 2011, Valor 2012, Dream 2013
Celebrity: Summit 2011
Princess: Ruby 2010, 2014, Caribbean 2013, Coral 2014
Reply With Quote
  #5 (permalink)  
Old November 12th, 2010, 06:05 PM
Senior Member
Admiral
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Palm Coast, Florida
Posts: 19,546
Default

When I was going to high school nobody seemed to have a problemn with Christmas.
I worked after school in a family owned business and they allways would give me a Christmas present, and they were Jewish.

I still have fond memories of those years.

TM
__________________
CRUISES
Century 4/1998
Mercury 4/2000+4/2006+7/2007
Sensation 4/2002
Infinity 4/2003
Summit 4/2004+4/2005
Carnival Liberty New Year's Eve 2007
Liberty of the Seas 5/2008+11/2009
Solstice 4/2009
Oasis 4/2010+4/13/2013
Allure 1/16/ 2011
Equinox 4/11/2011
Independence of the Seas 12/29/2013 Top-notch!
Reply With Quote
  #6 (permalink)  
Old November 12th, 2010, 09:50 PM
Senior Member
Admiral
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 18,199
Default

I spent 25 years working for a company and for 99% of the time I was the only jewish person employed there .The company owned the office building and every year at Christmas I was the one to go from floor to floor singing Christmas Carols .
Reply With Quote
  #7 (permalink)  
Old November 13th, 2010, 02:12 PM
Senior Member
Admiral
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Palm Coast, Florida
Posts: 19,546
Default

Back in those days when I first started to work, we respected one another and we did not ask people to change their lifestyle or religion.

We certainly were not offended because our neighbors or co-workers belonged to a different faith.

TM
__________________
CRUISES
Century 4/1998
Mercury 4/2000+4/2006+7/2007
Sensation 4/2002
Infinity 4/2003
Summit 4/2004+4/2005
Carnival Liberty New Year's Eve 2007
Liberty of the Seas 5/2008+11/2009
Solstice 4/2009
Oasis 4/2010+4/13/2013
Allure 1/16/ 2011
Equinox 4/11/2011
Independence of the Seas 12/29/2013 Top-notch!
Reply With Quote
  #8 (permalink)  
Old November 13th, 2010, 02:24 PM
Senior Member
Admiral
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 18,199
Default I agree ,totally

Quote:
Originally Posted by Manuel View Post
Back in those days when I first started to work, we respected one another and we did not ask people to change their lifestyle or religion.

We certainly were not offended because our neighbors or co-workers belonged to a different faith.

TM
Sometimes being PC goes way too far
Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Tags
chrastmas, christmas, ideas, laughs, laughts, party

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Party of 2 now Party of 1 YellowRunningShoes76 Carnival Cruise Lines 5 February 2nd, 2010 11:07 AM
Welcome aboard party/return guest party BrwnEyedGirl Princess Cruise Lines 1 June 14th, 2007 07:03 PM
Christmas Party Jennifer Leoncio Ask CruiseMates Staff 4 September 14th, 2003 06:02 PM
Party or Not to Party that is the question! Salem5050 Ask CruiseMates Staff 5 August 21st, 2002 05:45 PM
Reviews of Snorkel company's in Cozumel Rod Ask CruiseMates Staff 2 November 2nd, 2000 06:05 PM


Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On


 

All times are GMT -4. The time now is 11:32 PM.
design by: Themes by Design

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.1