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-   -   Illegal border crossings--from Canadian perspective! (http://www.cruisemates.com/forum/cruise-jokes-trivia-just-laughs/378251-illegal-border-crossings-canadian-perspective.html)

Snoozeman November 21st, 2010 05:07 PM

Illegal border crossings--from Canadian perspective!
 
Supposedly from Manitoba Herald....

The flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada has intensified in the past week, sparking calls for increased patrols to stop the illegal immigration. The recent actions of the Tea Party are prompting an exodus among left-leaning citizens who fear they'll soon be required to hunt, pray, and to agree with Bill O'Reilly and Glenn Beck.


Canadian border farmers say it's not uncommon to see dozens of sociology professors, animal-rights activists and Unitarians crossing their fields at night.

"I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood producer huddled in the barn," said Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield, whose acreage borders North Dakota. The producer was cold, exhausted and hungry. He asked me ifI could spare a latte and some free-range chicken. When I said I didn't have any, he left before I even got a chance to show him my screenplay, eh?"

In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences, but the liberals scaled them. He then installed loudspeakers that blared Rush Limbaugh across the fields. "Not real effective," he said. "The liberals still got through and Rush annoyed the cows so much that they wouldn't give any milk."

Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet liberals near the Canadian border, pack them into Volvo station wagons and drive them across the border where they are simply left to fend for themselves.

"A lot of these people are not prepared for our rugged conditions," an Ontario border patrolman said. "I found one carload without a single bottle of imported drinking water. They did have a nice little Napa Valley cabernet, though."

When liberals are caught, they're sent back across the border, often wailing loudly that they fear retribution from conservatives. Rumors have been circulating about plans being made to build re-education camps where liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer and watch NASCAR races.

In recent days, liberals have turned to ingenious ways of crossing the border. Some have been disguised as senior citizens taking a bus trip to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a half- dozen young vegans in powdered wig disguises, Canadian immigration authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior-citizens about Perry Como and Rosemary Clooney to prove that they were alive in the '50s. "If they can't identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk Show, we become very suspicious about their age," an official said.

Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are creating an organic-broccoli shortage and are renting all the Michael Moore movies. "I really feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just can't support them," an Ottawa resident said. "How many art-history majors does one country need?"

In an effort to ease tensions between the United States and Canada, Vice President Biden met with the Canadian ambassador and pledged that the administration would take steps to reassure liberals. A source close to President Obama said, "We're going to have some Paul McCartney and Peter, Paul & Mary concerts. And we might even put some endangered species on postage stamps.

The President is determined to reach out," he said.

Phil&Liz November 21st, 2010 08:14 PM

Glad you posted this in the jokes section...it is an old one going back to 2006 at least.

Lakers Fan November 21st, 2010 09:43 PM

Bill O'Reilly lives in my area ,if he wants to move to Canada he has my blessing

Manuel December 2nd, 2010 06:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Henry43 (Post 1330237)
Bill O'Reilly lives in my area ,if he wants to move to Canada he has my blessing

Ditto!!!!

TM

MrPete December 2nd, 2010 06:39 AM

Did Barbra Streisand ever come back? Wasn't she leaving the country if GWB got re-elected?

Lakers Fan December 2nd, 2010 11:13 AM

I want Barbra here . When we were both toddlers we lived around the corner from each other . Later on we went to the same HS and I sat at the same desk . If only I knew that she would become a mega superstar and great humanitarian I could have swiped the desk (just kidding re the swiping)

Manuel December 2nd, 2010 12:36 PM

When we were driving to South Carolina last week we saw hundreds of Canadian vehicles traveling south. (mosly RV's)
I wonder if those Canadians are here to join the Tea Party or maybe the Keg Party. :?: ;) :shock: :-?
They are also welcome to join my group which supports the Wine Party. (white, rose or red), we don't discriminate. :p

TM

Lakers Fan December 6th, 2010 06:10 PM

I prefer the Birthday Party

Manuel December 6th, 2010 08:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Henry43 (Post 1332826)
I prefer the Birthday Party

The sailaway party is quite nice as well.

TM

Lakers Fan December 6th, 2010 08:43 PM

I was invited to a Meet and Greet party on my cruise from a competitor to CM but I shall not be going . I will instead meet with the people who invited me (who also post on CM) privately .

Manuel December 6th, 2010 08:51 PM

The main thing is to enjoy the cruise.

TM

Lakers Fan December 6th, 2010 08:52 PM

Yes ,so very true


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