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Old April 24th, 2013, 08:54 AM
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Default Hollywood Squares

I know I have posted this before but they always make me laugh no matter how much I read them. So for your laughing pleasure I am posting these again.

Laura

From the original Hollywood Squares TV show... These are from the days when game show responses were spontaneous and not scripted as they are now.
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Peter Marshall: Paul, can you get an elephant drunk?
Paul Lynde: Yes, but it still won't go up to your apartment.
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Peter Marshall: According to Cosmo, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think he's really attractive, is it okay to come out directly and ask him if he's married?

Rose Marie: No, wait until morning.
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Peter Marshall: Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?

Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.
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Peter Marshall: In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say "I love you"?

Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.
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Peter Marshall: Prometheus was tied to the top of a mountain by the gods because he had given something to man. What did he give us?

Paul Lynde: I don't know what you got, but I got a sports shirt.
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Peter Marshall: What are "Do It", "I Can Help" and "Can't Get Enough"?

George Gobel: I don't know but it's coming from the next apartment.
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Peter Marshall: As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while you are talking?

Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing older question, Peter...and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget!
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Peter Marshall: According to Zsa Zsa, does black look sexy on a woman?

Redd Foxx: I wouldn't have it any other way.
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Peter Marshall: What are "dual purpose" cattle good for that other cattle aren't?

Paul Lynde: They give milk and cookies...but I don't recommend the cookies!
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Peter Marshall: If you find someone lying unconscious in the street, should you do anything?

George Goebel: I'd probably crawl around him I guess.
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Peter Marshall: Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?

Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.
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Peter Marshall: Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during your first year?

Charley Weaver: Of course not, Peter. I'm too busy growing strawberries!
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Peter Marshall: In bowling, what's a perfect score?

Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.
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Peter Marshall: Eddie, according to the Institute of Motivational Research, a wife should be beware if another woman takes an interest in a certain item of her husband's clothing. What item?

Ed Asner: Well, shorts immediately springs to my mind.
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Peter Marshall: It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics. What is the other?

Paul Lynde: Tape measures.
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Peter Marshall: True or false...a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.

George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.
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Peter Marshall: Is there a weight limit for bags on airline flights in this country?

Charley Weaver: If she can fit under the seat, she can fly.
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Peter Marshall: During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?

Rose Marie: Unfortunately, Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.
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Peter Marshall: Can boys join the camp fire girls?

Marty Allen: Only after lights out.
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Peter Marshall: When you pat a dog on its head he will usually wag his tail. What will a goose do?

Paul Lynde: Make him bark.
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Peter Marshall: True or false, George...experts say there are only seven or eight things in the world dumber than an ant.

George Gobel: Yes, and I think I voted for six of 'em.
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Peter Marshall: If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?

Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.
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Peter Marshall: According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?

Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army!
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Peter Marshall: Is it possible for the puppies in a litter to have more than one daddy?

Paul Lynde: Why, that *****!
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Peter Marshall: While visiting China, your tour guide starts shouting "Poo! Poo! Poo!" What does that mean?

George Goebel: Cattle crossing.
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Peter Marshall: It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?

Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused but it certainly isn't neglected!
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Peter Marshall: Charley, what do you call a pig that weighs more than 150 pounds?

Charley Weaver: A divorcee.
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Peter Marshall: Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?

George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.
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Peter Marshall: According to Movie Life magazine, Ann-Margaret would like to start having babies soon, but her husband wants her to wait a while. Why?

Paul Lynde: He's out of town.
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Peter Marshall: Dennis Weaver, Debbie Reynolds, and Shelley Winters star in the movie "What's The Matter With Helen?" Who plays Helen?

Charley Weaver: Dennis Weaver - that's why they asked the question.
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Peter Marshall: Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?

Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?
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Peter Marshall: When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?

Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car. The rest is up to him.
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Peter Marshall: James Stewart did it over twenty years ago when he was forty-one years old. Now he says it was "one of the best things I ever did." What was it?

Marty Allen: Rhonda Fleming.
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Peter Marshall: Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?

Charley Weaver: His feet.
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Peter Marshall: If you're going to make a parachute jump, you should be at least how high?

Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.
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Peter Marshall: Do female frogs croak?

Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water.
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Peter Marshall: You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?

Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.
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Peter Marshall: Your baby has a certain object which he loves to cling to. Should you try to break him of his habit?

Joan Rivers: Yes. It's daddy's turn.
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Peter Marshall: At NASA, what keeps the cool air running around in the spacesuits?

Paul Lynde: Itsy Bitsy Eskimoes....
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Peter Marshall: According to Better Homes and Gardens, Is it a good idea to give your yard a light sprinkle?

Michael Landon: ...well, if you can't make it to the house, I mean..
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Old April 24th, 2013, 05:49 PM
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I'll take Paul Lynde for the block Peter.
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Old April 24th, 2013, 08:59 PM
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We needed that.

It's always good to laugh.

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Old April 24th, 2013, 10:43 PM
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"Laugh and the world laughs with you "
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