Did anyone know you were gay on that nongay cruise?
On my last cruise I played it VERY straight as I do anywhere I go in life. I've never been one for shouting my sexuality from the rooftops. When asked at dinner the first night if I had "my other half" with me, I replied that I was a single gentleman and left it at that. I got close to one couple that was also from Seattle but didn't see any reason to disclose something so personal.
So I'm curious how many of you have "come out" on a mainstream cruise and if so, how were you received? Either way, what are your feelings about it?
Since I travel with my partner who is of a different racial group, a few years older and some inches taller, I assume that there are people who would make assumptions about us. So far we have had no one asking us anything so personal ..and we always tell the truth, so people, if they are au courant and not naive, could figure things out for themselves. we have had no problems with anyone ...and anyhow, who would want to socialize with bigoted individuals? It helps, however, if one is not too flamboyant or calls attention to oneself. Keep on cruising!
We have had little problem in this matter other than once having a fellow table member ask me at our first evenings meal together, pre salad I might add, "I see you're wearing a wedding band, so where's your wife?".
Since then, when we first greet our table mates, we introduce ourselves as a couple who have been together for 32 years and by the time the main course arrives everything has been thought out and either accepted or we have replacement table mates at dinner the next evening. And that has yet to happen for, by far and large, we usually have been the darlings of conversation as they endeavour to satisfy their curiosity of our life style.
Most importantly however is the long term friendships we have developed with fellow passengers. There is a lot more acceptance out there than one may imagine.
I have been on 6 cruises and other than my last cruise, I have always came out to my tablemates fairly on and we have always been well recieved and have even met up with tablemates for portraits and shows. On this past cruise, for the first time ever, I was afraid to be "out" My tablemates were all very accomplished straight people and for some reason, I felt threatened by this. A few days later, one of them asked why we always seemed so awkward at dinner as if we were afraid. So, I told them. They all laughed and said that when my girlfriend wore a suit that matched the colors of my dress on the 2nd day of the cruise that they all knew for sure and that if that wasn't a dead give away, seeing our pictures all over the walls in the gallery was the ringer. So, they were accepting and fine and I worried for nothing!
I am always worried as we walk into the dining room on the first night but every single time (Save for the first, when it was all family), when we have been sat with straight couples, we've had a very positive experience. It has always been established during that first meal what's up with us, even if it's not spoken. My partner and I never feel like we have to come out and announce that we're gay since they don't announce that they're straight, although I wish they would. lol Usually, after we tell them that we live in Washington, DC and have been together for over 12 years, the rest is easy. So far. And, as you can tell below, we have to do it again next Monday...but I can't wait.
Oh my god what is it 1950 or something? I'm pretty nonchalant about the whole issue. In fact last spring on the Costa Magica I hung out with a 40-something mom (who was cute!) and her 16 you daughter and we were scoping out guys from the atrium railing. For years I sailed with my partner (now ex...) etc and it was only once an issue -- and we changed tables on that cruise because these yahoos from Texas made it clear they didn't like gays or Jews (we sailed with a jewish woman friend of ours that time). But we've made many very good friends overwhelmingly. I have predominately sailed Celebrity, Holland America, Princess and now Costa 2nd time coming up in a week. Not an issue people! If you're cool and comfortable with it so will 90% of people too.....
Plus....people need to see "everyday" gay people....it's a very healthy thing.
Quote: Plus....people need to see "everyday" gay people....it's a very healthy thing. "
Jeff, you are absolutely right as we take pride in being openly gay men in today's society. We all should consider ourselves to be good ambassadors for the gay community. And, not to get too far off subject, that is why we want our FOD gatherings to be out in public area of a ship and not hidden away like we are ashamed of who we are. Our qualities should be seen and appreciated wherever we go.
My partner and I have been together 20 years. Between the two of us there are 6 college degrees, 5 languages spoken, and more disposable income than most straight couples.
That being said, my partner is a huge college sports fan (3rd generation Texas Longhorn), I am a political junkie, and we can carry on conversations with people on topics from Brittany Spears to Bourdeaux wines.
I think people on a cruise would rather sit with well-rounded people regardless of race, orientation, religion, etc. than with boors. And, yes, there are boors in our "neighborhood" too. But we leave them back in port!
We have been on eight cruises, the first two of which were through a gay tour group, and since then, we have organised our own cruises. To be honest, we made better friends with the straight people than we did with the two gay groups.
We have never done anything but refer to ourselves as "us" and our table companions couldn't have been nicer to the extent that we have met up for drinks, visited each others cabins and gone on shore excursions together. Indeed, on the first night of a transatlantic last year we announced we had married two days previously and our table companions immediately ordered champagne to toast us.
I don't think it's a matter of coming out, but just being yourselves. The fact that so many gay couples go on "straight" cruises suggests to me that cruise passengers are generally a tolerant lot.
We have been on about 5 cruises together and not once was it an issue. Everyone is there to relax and most are not at all uptight about seeing 2 guys. We don't flaunt anything but if they ask, we tell them.
We have even had some couples tell us that the pictures we have taken are fantastic.
I cant even remember the last time I closeted myself for anything, let alone closeting myself on a vacation. That's the last place I'd closet myself. I just do what I always do - be myself. Some people figure it out, others are oblivious. Doesn't matter to me either way. And I'll kiss my parter anywhere I want to (well, if I had a partner I would). Anyone who doesn't like it, well, you've got eyelids.
We must admit that the eyelid comeback is a good one But when confronted by those who profess to be Christian and yet are vocal in the offence taken at being in the presents of gay people, the best line of rebuttal has to have been "And if thine eye offend thee, pluck it out:"
Upon seeing me holding hands with a nice boy in a park, a snooty woman once attempted to scold me.
"My children can see you! Do you mind?" She sneered at me.
I glared at her for a moment as I pondered my reply.
"Look, lady," I explained, "you can raise your children on an island, or you can raise them in reality. Lucky for me, my parents chose reality. I hope your kids will be as fortunate."
She gasped in horror and scurried away, children in tow. Her oldest boy seemed exasperated with the situation and I heard him complain as she led him away.
"Mom, you're not going to make us pray for them, are you?" He whined.
She was so "Harriet Olsen" from "Little House on the Prairie" - hair up in tight little knot and everything. If she had been wearing pearls, I'm sure she would have been clutching them.
I have such a huge smile on my face right now. Harriet Olsen!!!!! I thought I was the only one who knew her.
We go about our routine on any ship we can. We don't advertise, but I'm sure most folks figure it out. Who cares. We enjoy eachothers company, love to try new things and don't give a "HARRIET OLSEN" about anyone else.
We leave tomorrow for Florida and cruise on Monday and look forward to every moment we have together.
I don't shout from the rooftops, but I go out of my way to go the pointy front of the ship (Is that the bow?) and declare "I'm the queen of the world!" on every cruise. I have never heard a negitive comment. No one has ever tried to push me overboard either. 2 weeks ago I came back from a 7 day Hawaii cruise. I swear I was the only gay man on the ship, except for about 80% of the crew. And they can't interact with the passengers (bummer, some of them were cute). That's right, mine were the only speedos in the pool. So on my next cruise, Aprill 22nd Carnival Valor I am pulling out all of the stops. I am going to put on my "NOBODY KNOWS I'M GAY" t-shirt before I get to the pier, so it's neat and clean for the embarkation photo. That way when the photos are on display in the photo gallery there will be no doubt that there is an attractive, gay man, traveling by himself on the cruise. Hopefully a gay person will see it and be able to approach me without the fear of asking a straight person if he's gay. I know that can be embarrasing, I've done it before. PS - I'm leaving the photo on display the whole week. I will probably move it arround a few times to make sure it is seen by all, then buy it on the last day so I can prove to my friends back home I really did it. Hugs, Steven
I don't shout from the rooftops, but I go out of my way to go the pointy front of the ship (Is that the bow?) and declare "I'm the queen of the world!" on every cruise. I have never heard a negitive comment. No one has ever tried to push me overboard either. 2 weeks ago I came back from a 7 day Hawaii cruise. I swear I was the only gay man on the ship, except for about 80% of the crew. And they can't interact with the passengers (bummer, some of them were cute). That's right, mine were the only speedos in the pool. So on my next cruise, Aprill 22nd Carnival Valor I am pulling out all of the stops. I am going to put on my "NOBODY KNOWS I'M GAY" t-shirt before I get to the pier, so it's neat and clean for the embarkation photo. That way when the photos are on display in the photo gallery there will be no doubt that there is an attractive, gay man, traveling by himself on the cruise. Hopefully a gay person will see it and be able to approach me without the fear of asking a straight person if he's gay. I know that can be embarrasing, I've done it before. PS - I'm leaving the photo on display the whole week. I will probably move it arround a few times to make sure it is seen by all, then buy it on the last day so I can prove to my friends back home I really did it. Hugs, Steven
FABULOUS!!! Maybe I'll do the same with the picture as I board with my mom....wait!...once they see us they'll have figured it out!
As for the OP I feel sorry for anyone who has to HIDE while they're on vacation....major bummer! I understand it at work and in the "real world" even if I don't agree with it. (hate all those "straight acting" issues) But to book a vacation, spend all that time and money and NOT be able to relax and be yourself....well, I truly feel sorry for you and anyone else who has to do that.
HAPPY CRUISING
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My partner and i have been on 4 cruises together, we both are woman that 'wear senseable shoes", on our last trip our table mates were WILD they asked us if we were gay we said yes and by the end of the trip one of the really wild girls tried to get "freaky" with me. we have always had fun on our trips and we don't shout it, we just live. Most people just want to have fun on trip and they accept people, unless you are on a trip with Jerry frawell, they love to hate.
So many cool posts on this thread. In the very end it's like...who cares? If someone has a problem with your being gay, that's their problem, not yours! They are not worth knowing. I have found overwhelmingly positive experience with very few clunkers. Looking forward to my 20th cruise in fact next week again on the Costa Mediterranea!
We don't proclaim our sexuality, just as a straight couple wouldn't there's. However, we are comfortable to pretty much be ourselves. We always request a table for two and wouldn't have it any other way. We do meet a lot of straight folks who are very nice; and we are very social on our excursions, shopping and everywhere else. But at dinner, we like to stare into each others eyes and just enjoy each other. Once in a while we can feel the energy of someone's condemnation, but as my better half says, "It's educational. Let them learn." We're respectful though and don't tongue each other-just as I wouldn't want to watch another gay or straight couple do that. We've held hands and stole a kiss whenever we felt safe. For as much money as we've spent, damn straight I'm going to enjoy myself and my guy!
It seems we always find some straight families who are drawn to us, know we're gay and be-friend us. They must be the 'Metropolitan' type, or are just kind people. We've never really had a bad experience.
I am so happy for all of the gay community!!! I know it must be rough sometimes, but I want you all to know that there are straighties out there who comend you on being who you are! One of my family members is gay, I love him to death and would not change him for anything in the world! As a new mom (to the most adorable double chinned baby boy in the world!!) I hope I can bring up my son in a community that accepts differences in others and appreciates everything we have! This whole thread just put a huge grin on my face!
Bravo and Happy Sailing loves!!
P.S- As a former flight attendant I do have to admit I miss my gay crewmembers we just had the most Fabulous times!!
Booked :razz:
NCL Sun - November 2011
Disney Dream - December 2012 *Honeymoon*
Cruised
Monarch OTS - June 2010
Carnival Triumph - January 2010
Carnival Glory - April 2007
Carnival Inspiration - July 2006
NCL Star - April 2003
Carnival Sensation - April 1998
My partner and I have only been on one cruise, however we had no problem though I think it was pretty clear we were a couple. We made good friends of a younger straight couple at our table and even attended their wedding! I don't care - I've been out since I was sixteen (now 42) and don't need to put on an act for anyone. We are getting ready to go to the caribbean in May from Florida and cannot wait! I'd love to do one of the all-gay cruises but they are pricey! Maybe we'll save up for next time. At any rate, I say just be yourselves! Happy cruising!!
My partner and I are "out" on all of our cruises. We hold hands and dance together just like a typical "straight" couple. We are not flamboyant acting, but not afraid to show affection to each other. We generally get a table for 6-8 people at dinner. We have not had any negative experiance on any of our 10+ cruises, on all cruise lines. In fact, we generally get compliments. Of course, we do get the "look at those guys" looks. But that is all.
I was thinking how ironic it is that this thread (a great topic, might I add) was started by a guy who claimed to "play it straight" also in life. I hope he's read these posts and learned to just relax and be himself.
5 More days till our caribbean cruise! Any tips on what do on land??
Once on a Carnival cruise the couple we ate with at at our assigned table asked if we were a couple, engaged in conversation all evening, and said they looked forward to eating with us the rest of the week. On the second night of the cruise we found they had asked to be moved to another table. We enjoyed the rest of the cruise without them.
On the first cruise we went on as a couple we found great acceptance. It was on Holland America, and on the third noight of the cruise we found out that one of the gentlemen at our table was actually the priest conducting daily Mass on the ship.
My partner and I have been together for 19 years... usually we are the "old" married couple at the table. We have been on 5 cruises together and have never been anything but ourselves. We still send Christmas/Chanukah cards to friends we have met on board...and we are traveling with another "couple" on the Majesty of the Seas July 13... OUT and PROUD.
My partner and I had a great experience last spring on Royal Caribbean Freddom of the Seas. We ate with a straight couple from Barcelona and ended up spending time off of the ship with them. We have even kept in contact via telephone and emails since the cruise. On the negative side we have experienced some negative attitudes from some of the cruise staff. Our cabin steward on Royal Caribbean was evidently very against our being gay and requesting the beds be put together. He was so rude that I refused to tip him. I requested a different cabin steward with no luck. The other cabin stewards were not too fond of him either. On Carnival Elation we experienced problems with the photographer when having a formal pictures taken. The photographer tried to get us out as soon as possible. He took time with other straight couples to make sure they had a good picture.
I'm been cruising since I was 8 years old and I am openly gay on cruise ships. However, I do live a very-private life at home. Just think that you are not going to see the people again from your cruises so you can be yourself. It helps if you are on RCL and attend a Friends of Dorothy which I find it helpful or visit the pool/hot tub and the Locker room in the Spa to find guys with same interests. I do travel by myself too and this has helped me alot.
I've been on about 9 cruises with and without my partner. I've always been open about my sexuality when asked. I believe if they ask, they had better be prepared for the answer. Only once has a couple requested to be moved to another table when they asked about it. The table was too liberal for them i guess. We have made some very good friends and educated quite a few people about our struggles in adopting and partner benefits. We now cruise once a year with about 5 other straight couples that we have met over the years, and hopefully will be adding to the group in the coming years. Have fun on your cruise.
I think it's great to see all these positive replies from gays who aren't afraid to take "nongay" cruises. I've always thought it's a shame that we so often live in gay ghettos ... much less vacation that way. Cruises are a great chance to interact with folks who might not otherwise have much contact with gays & lesbians. I'm sure 90% of them go home with more positive attitudes towards us than they started out with.
Sure there's going to be the occasional uptight person who requests another table. But in my experience there's about one of those for every 50 who go out of their way to hang out with us because we're polite and well-traveled and fun-loving.
Here's my advice: If you're ever having trouble making friends on a "mainstream" cruise, just go to the disco one night and start dancing. Straight men can't dance, so their wives/girlfriends love having someone to hang with on the dance floor. You're sure to have friends for the rest of the cruise!
Did anyone know you were gay on that nongay cruise?
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