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  #1 (permalink)  
Old February 18th, 2011, 09:04 AM
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Default Cruising w. Opposite sex hints

As a Senior Female I notice lately more guys looking for cruisemates. Would love to hear from anyone who has cruised with opposite sex not known before cruise.. Good,bad, caveats. What would you do differently next time? zoncom35@yahoo.com Thanks.
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Old February 18th, 2011, 10:40 AM
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Default Cruising w/Opposite Sex

I have placed two ads on the cruisemates site a year ago. I had male and female answer me but nothing worked out.

I then placed an ad on Craigslist and a white female in her 40's from Atlanta answered. I'm black, 48 and live in the South Florida area.

She booked the trip and we spoke on the phone many times over a 3 week period before embarking on our 5 night Bahamas. I paid her by depositing my half in her bank account.

We got along like brother and sister and had a great time. We did everything together on the trip. I would have liked to have a little time by myself, not much, just a little.

We kept in contact for about 6 months after our trip. She did ask me to go on another trip with her but I could not make it due to my work schedule. If I was free I would have went with her.

Now on to the sex question which is probably what you want to know
She ordered for our beds to be separated and no fooling around. It did not matter to me if we did it or not...I just wanted a break and a cruise and to save money. I would have went with a male, I'm straight. I did bring condoms just in case, but I did not expect anything to happen. It's just my nature to be prepared for anything. She initiated sex during our trip. We always did it right before bed time and first thing in the mornings.
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Old February 18th, 2011, 02:51 PM
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(it's not clear if you are asking about having sex or asking if you cruise without knowing what sex you may travel with)(just the way it's worded)
I went with a male and we were platonic, slept in the same bed. Neither made a move, I guess it was because neither knew what the other was thinking. It was more awkward than I thought. At senior level, things may not "work" the way they used to, and it could have been embarrassing for him (and me) I think if either roommate wants to keep it platonic, it should be clear before the sailing. You don't need to agree ahead of time except if platonic is expected.
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Old February 19th, 2011, 02:16 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ruthlessboss View Post
(it's not clear if you are asking about having sex or asking if you cruise without knowing what sex you may travel with)(just the way it's worded)
I went with a male and we were platonic, slept in the same bed. Neither made a move, I guess it was because neither knew what the other was thinking. It was more awkward than I thought. At senior level, things may not "work" the way they used to, and it could have been embarrassing for him (and me) I think if either roommate wants to keep it platonic, it should be clear before the sailing. You don't need to agree ahead of time except if platonic is expected.
I do like your attitude!

Not entirely sure how this evolved (or devolved) into a sexual overtone, but another post to follow from moi
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Old February 19th, 2011, 02:39 AM
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Default Cruising with unknowns

This promises to be a great forum!
Even so, one would have to choose their response carefully since it's digital. It's been my experience that folks seem to react initialy in a negative manner.?

Given that, I'll weigh in with my experiences, in no particular order of time nor importance, and laced with just general life stuff;

Be HONEST, from the very start!
If indeed, one is looking for a "7 day date" (or whatever the length of the cruise), then say so, do NOT assume.
It's real easy to leave it open, and if it works out, then wonderful! If not, NO hard feelings

Areas of concern I've noticed:
Gals and guys both enjoy having someone at dinner and/or meals, and when seated, it's protocol for other tablemates to "assume" you are a couple. Discuss this before deciding. Will you eat as a couple, and fend off the narrow minded's queries? Or eat separately and find a convient answer to "where's ____?"
I've not discovered a very effective way to explain to the entire ship yet, but I'm still working on it...yet I personally find it rather easy to share a table with different folks.
Excursions and shore experiences:
We all have our own preferences, and/or not enough experience to know what to expect at ports.
Some of us are very active, enjoy water, beach, etc...perhaps you are paired with someone whom doesn't care for the same.
A. There are TONS of things to do in every port, each with their own theme, and,
2. There will be 2 to 3 THOUSAND people on the ship, ensuring a good chance that you will not be alone no matter "what" you do.
If you have common interests, so much the better!!

Night life - Bars and Shows:
Once again, you're amongst many folks, and in my experiences, it seems that most all are on board to have a great, fun time, so, it shouldn't be difficult to enjoy yourself "alone"

Pictures:
One may want to discuss this pre cruise, as some may take the casual "I'd like a picture alone" as a slight. Perhaps to ease this situation, "each" of you take a picture alone (that should level the ego a bit)
As humans, we all like to get dressed up and be photographed in an elegant setting, and if you are gonna be "just friends/acquaintances" then it should be understood that your favorite facebook photo should NOT show someone whom others could take as someone more significant.

Sleeping Arrangements:
All cabins are designed to have single or double beds. Ask your steward to separate them. If the situation proves to be physically mutual, you can ask them to be joined again. You think your cabin steward ain't seen it all?

I think, that one should do a self inventory prior to seeking a cruisemate, and decide far beforehand of what one's needs and expectations are.

I'm near certain that this will be continued...
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Old February 19th, 2011, 05:44 AM
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Going to the dining room (as a senior couple) and being seated as a couple proved unexpected questions (though logical as it was ice breaker chat). One was reguarding if we cruised much, well, got out of that easy enough. We had cruised, just not together. But then came the length of marriage question, we explained we were not married. Then came the length of time we knew each other prior to sailing. We said "quite a while" (of course it was only e mails)..You see, we physically met at a destination enroute to the port.
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Old February 19th, 2011, 02:47 PM
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Well I am glad you for this post. I am recently retired 55 year old male and want to cruise and will probably be a solo cruiser and might wat to share a cabin. I like a balcony room so it can get expensive if just rented for one person. I think it would be great to cruise with the oposite sex, seems it would be more comfortable on the shore tours and at dinner. I don't know what I would expect, and I am sure not a pushy person.
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Old February 19th, 2011, 03:19 PM
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Well Murph/Ben....isn't it interesting to be in this position of not knowing what to expect? I do know if one is single, generally it feels more natural to cruise as a couple. Not against traveling with the same sex, but going to dinner, maybe dancing in the clubs is better with the opposite sex, seems more natural (if you get along). I've gone solo, had a decent time, but spent a great deal of time watching couples.
If you connect with a cabin mate, you'll need to find out their interests, are they wanting to share cost only and do their own thing only or potentially hang around with you full time or part time.
My cabin mate and I liked going ashore, the casino, dining and formal night, so we had a start. It wasn't a match in heaven, but we had things in common.
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Old February 19th, 2011, 03:56 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gbrad View Post
Be HONEST, from the very start!

Areas of concern I've noticed:
Gals and guys both enjoy having someone at dinner and/or meals, and when seated, it's protocol for other tablemates to "assume" you are a couple. Discuss this before deciding. Will you eat as a couple, and fend off the narrow minded's queries? Or eat separately and find a convient answer to "where's ____?"
I've not discovered a very effective way to explain to the entire ship yet, but I'm still working on it...yet I personally find it rather easy to share a table with different folks.

Pictures:
One may want to discuss this pre cruise, as some may take the casual "I'd like a picture alone" as a slight. Perhaps to ease this situation, "each" of you take a picture alone (that should level the ego a bit)

Sleeping Arrangements:
All cabins are designed to have single or double beds. Ask your steward to separate them. If the situation proves to be physically mutual, you can ask them to be joined again. You think your cabin steward ain't seen it all?
I'd agree with you all the way, gbrad,

Honesty is most important, that, and if both of you are not naturally talkative and outgoing, one of you should be while the other is at least a good listener.

The most uncomfortable cabinmates are those who are afraid to speak their mind right from the start before even meeting. No matter whether co-ed or same sex, straight or gay. If you are too shy, or even too polite, you will suffer from insomnia at night wondering what is wrong with that other person 6 ft away from you, or what are they thinking about you. Less likely to offend someone that you already have had a normal conversation with when a problem arises.

When I went with my new friend who happened to be female, we decided to introduce ourselves honestly in a funny way to all who we met at dinner. We became quite famous on the ship since we did the cruisecritic meet and greet and made good friends with many of those "traditional" couples or families.

I don't disagree with Fun gent, but I'd say a true gentleman would never discuss on the internet what happened when the beds were joined . If the lady didn't mind sharing the news, then she ain't no lady either.
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Old February 19th, 2011, 04:06 PM
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I don't disagree with Fun gent, but I'd say a true gentleman would never discuss on the internet what happened when the beds were joined . If the lady didn't mind sharing the news, then she ain't no lady either.
Ed - totally agree; I thought it was just me!

Funny, the OP asked people to email but they all post here.

Annie
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Old February 19th, 2011, 04:25 PM
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E-mail her? The rest of us want to know the scoop too!
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Old February 19th, 2011, 04:38 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ruthlessboss View Post
E-mail her? The rest of us want to know the scoop too!
Fun gent should have emailed IMHO.

If you want to know the scoop, either

1. Set up a similar post.
2. Email the OP

Annie
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Old February 19th, 2011, 04:43 PM
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Default Privacy/Discretion

Quote:
Originally Posted by ruthlessboss View Post
E-mail her? The rest of us want to know the scoop too!
Fun gent should have emailed IMHO.

I wonder if the lady in question knows? and if she does, how she feels?

If you want to know the scoop, either

1. Set up a similar post.
2. Email the OP

Annie
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Old February 19th, 2011, 05:33 PM
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Fun gent should have emailed IMHO.

I wonder if the lady in question knows? and if she does, how she feels?

If you want to know the scoop, either

1. Set up a similar post.
2. Email the OP

Annie
TSK, TSK, TSK. No one here said they wanted the scoop about the cabin scene rated X. Just want the scoop with hints on roomies and breaking the ice hints. I really liked the approach about being cruisemates who just met and how it was handled. Wish I had thought of that. Thanks ednotmilkman!!
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Old February 20th, 2011, 09:03 AM
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Funny, amongst all the replies - I don't see the word RESPECT used.

Ruthlessboss - if you want the lowdown on anything just send PMs to regular posters.

Annie
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Old February 20th, 2011, 09:10 AM
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Well, we see the word RESPECT now. See it?
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Old February 20th, 2011, 12:46 PM
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I think you all are sex obsessed! I read 70% of divorced females are no longer sexually active, no wonder the guys are resorting to cruises to look for love. I am interested in successful platonic cruisemate matches. If guys are obsessed with sex the females seem to be obsessed with cabin selection,especially balconies. Its easier to do a hosted singles cruise with them picking your cabinmate. Maybe someone smarter than I can devise a Cruisemates wants and needs checklist including several favored cruise lines/itineraries,past cruises, cabin choices,a brief personal bio.inc. age,town,s/ns,cocktails or not. Mainly comes down to 5Ws and H(remember journalism. Who,what,when,why and how(as in how much.)Ruthless Boss, how about you? Thanks all for Emails and comments here.
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Old February 20th, 2011, 01:50 PM
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I think singles cruises matchups have some of those questions but have not signed up for any. I hear those cruises have preplanned activities which you can attend. Personally, I'm not sure I can be structured on a schedule, I'm more spontaneous than that.
I think someone volunteered to set up a list (from this site), but got really flamed over it. We have some posters here that like to get under your skin, if you get my drift.
We can't seem to get people to write enough, don't know what they are looking for, from what port or at least east or west coast! Then they wonder why they get no response. An age bracket would be nice too.
I look daily at companion site, and would not hesitate to go with male or female, but with a male would definately want to know intent ahead of time and potential compatability. I cruise in inside cabins, but only for cost containment (not really my preference).
I wish I could cruise at a drop of a hat, there are last minute offers that are reasonable, but still work a bit for a nest egg
Glad you got back to us!!
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Old February 20th, 2011, 02:05 PM
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1. No one knows who I am nor who this lady is. What am I giving away? I’m Mr. X she is Ms. Y.

2. I did not private email her because I figured others would want to know about opposite sex meeting for the first time and how it went.

3. You guys seem very unrealistic or prudish. How can a man and woman share a room and not discuss sex or lack thereof…..Before hand. Even if it’s platonic it needs to be stated before you meet to avoid any unnecessary tensions. Everything from snoring etc needs to be put out in the open.

4. Sobegal – You ask a question and get upset? Doing surveys is not for you. My roomie and I discussed more than sex. In fact over the many conversations my roomine and I had prior to meeting 99% of it had nothing to do with sex. Just general things like what you like to do, time you like to wake up, do you snore, etc, etc.

I work in an office of 15 women and 2 men. After asking how did my roommate and I get along and how was the vacation, guess what the next question is they wanted to know?

I loved reading the dinner reply about explaining how you met. When that question was asked my roommate answered and said we met on the Internet. I had forgot to discuss that with her. I would have preferred not to say that but she did.

You learn by being honest and sharing…What’s the point of a message board then!

No more surverys for me on this board

Last edited by Fun_Gent47; February 20th, 2011 at 02:11 PM.
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Old February 20th, 2011, 02:07 PM
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Originally Posted by ruthlessboss View Post
I think singles cruises matchups have some of those questions but have not signed up for any. I hear those cruises have preplanned activities which you can attend. Personally, I'm not sure I can be structured on a schedule, I'm more spontaneous than that.
I think someone volunteered to set up a list (from this site), but got really flamed over it. We have some posters here that like to get under your skin, if you get my drift.
We can't seem to get people to write enough, don't know what they are looking for, from what port or at least east or west coast! Then they wonder why they get no response. An age bracket would be nice too.
I look daily at companion site, and would not hesitate to go with male or female, but with a male would definately want to know intent ahead of time and potential compatability. I cruise in inside cabins, but only for cost containment (not really my preference).
I wish I could cruise at a drop of a hat, there are last minute offers that are reasonable, but still work a bit for a nest egg
Glad you got back to us!!
Ruthlessboss has made some very good points! I think at a minimum, the poster needs to stipulate in no particular order:

1. Itinerary
2. Pref if any for cruiseline/vessel.
3. Smoker/Non-smoker
4. Date
5. Departure port
6. Length of cruise
7. Budget thereby determining cabin type.
8. Age group preference if applicable.

Annie
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Old February 20th, 2011, 02:32 PM
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Default Opp Sx Cruising

After reading some of these replies I think the subject matter should be changed to how to post an ad instead of female/male actual cruise experiences.

Maybe I'm missing something
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Old February 20th, 2011, 03:06 PM
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Originally Posted by Fun_Gent47 View Post
After reading some of these replies I think the subject matter should be changed to how to post an ad instead of female/male actual cruise experiences.

Maybe I'm missing something
Yes you partially missed it. Points were made how some situations happened and what was said. You did the same, but admitted having sex. Another poster got worked up over it, I was just surprised at the full admission. That being said, I agree no harm was done, we don't know you nor the female. It's not like names came out.
The posting matters is of interest. One male out there clearly states he wants romance, that's a pretty good clue he has no intention of just sharing a room.
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Old February 20th, 2011, 03:26 PM
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Yes you partially missed it. Points were made how some situations happened and what was said. You did the same, but admitted having sex. Another poster got worked up over it, I was just surprised at the full admission. That being said, I agree no harm was done, we don't know you nor the female. It's not like names came out.
The posting matters is of interest. One male out there clearly states he wants romance, that's a pretty good clue he has no intention of just sharing a room.

Thanks for the reply and clarification.

If I was a woman thinking of going on a cruise with a man, I would want to know from women and men who have done this how it worked out. How you got along, etc, including was it platonic, did you have sex, was it planned, or spontaneous, how was it differrent than traveling with a female roomate, etc. Or is there no difference, it just a matter of personalities meshing.

When I ask a question about something I want to know all, the good, the bad and the ugly. Just my personality.
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Old February 20th, 2011, 10:12 PM
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Default I just knew it!

I felt that this would be a lively topic!

Perhaps, as I mentioned earlier, one should do a "self inventory" as to what you expect.
Standard questions should include in the "pre deciding/booking of said cruise";
1. Early riser? (subquestions would include, but not limited to: "NOISY" early riser?
2. Party goer or read a book in the sun? C'mon, YOU know what YOU do, seriously.
3. Prefer to eat "with" someone - small or large table? Early late anytime?
4. Are you touchy feelie? If not, Are you uncomfortable with someone whom is?
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Old February 20th, 2011, 10:39 PM
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Default Continued...(much to my amusement, LOL)

5. Bathroom time? Real estate? Face it folks, certain men have gotten spoiled by some gals that are pretty much in and out, and take little space. At the other end of the spectrum is the gal that has inumerable items and spends 2 hours or more, with all levels in between.
(before you "knee jerk" type that "SOME guys spend LONGER in the bathroom than ME", consider averages and generalities, 'k?)
Guys- ask yourself if what if any levels are acceptable and those that aren't.
Gals - same deal, if you are a "long time around running water type", perhaps you can be considerate enough to "
step out" for a short bit?

6. Sleeping Arrangements? *(from reading these forums, I wonder if a total alien would get the impression that ALL men are barbaric, and ALL women are prudes?)
I mean seriously, do cruisers not go out anywhere else? Have they not had to deal with advances? Or have all co ed meetings went awry?
In an instance of my own personal experience, a potential cruisemate posed to me "no expectations? nothing other than a cruise mate?"
I replied "Yes, and remember, that goes both ways". She wanted to be more friendly together than did I, and that created a bit of tension. Not unmanageable though.
(once again, before you react "but you are STUCK with that person for a whole week (or whatever)) Keep in mind how HUGE a ship is, how many activities there are, how many security people, and security types there are.

Bottome line: Cruising together, dancing together, eating together, etc, is all gonna involve a bit of a compromise from your own personal "perfection" level.
If you simply cannot be a bit compassionate, forgiving, understanding and accepting, then enjoy your time on land or your double priced cruise for the same experience.

Just my bit...
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Old February 21st, 2011, 04:59 AM
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As previous poster said...COMPROMISE
Younger cruisers likely go with the flow a little easier than those in the upper years. We (if single) have subconciously slipped into the world we made it to be...doing what we want, when we want, and with no interruptions. Sharing a cabin will interrupt that cycle, we must each give a little leeway in order to make things work. As long as two people share a cabin, a little compromise must be there. It's not like you had always been friends or married and already know each others habits.
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Old February 21st, 2011, 05:04 AM
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Gbrad

Self-inventory is an excellent point. I wonder how many do?

Annie
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Old February 22nd, 2011, 02:08 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by anniegb View Post
Gbrad

Self-inventory is an excellent point. I wonder how many do?

Annie
I'm near certain that many do, but may do it with a lack of self perception or possibly with unrealistic expectations?
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Old February 22nd, 2011, 08:59 PM
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Kathy,

Quote:
Originally Posted by you View Post
As a Senior Female I notice lately more guys looking for cruisemates. Would love to hear from anyone who has cruised with opposite sex not known before cruise.. Good,bad, caveats. What would you do differently next time? zoncom35@yahoo.com Thanks.
My only recommendation is to have a clear understanding before departure as to what is and what is not expected, who is paying for what, and where the boundaries are. This is especially important when travelling together for the first time.

Here are some issues to discuss in advance.

>> 1. What is the itinerary?

>> 1. (a) Which cruise?

>> 1. (b) Are there any pre-cruise and post-cruise hotels or tours included?

>> 1. (c) Where will you meet, and how will you get there?

>> 1. (f) Where and how will you meet at the start of the trip? Will you travel to the start point together or separately?

>> 1. (e) Who is paying cruise fare, air fare, transfers, and as applicable, for pre-cruise or post-cruise hotels and tours?

>> 2. What are the arrangements for your cabins or hotel rooms -- a shared standard cabin/room or suite, or separate rooms?

>> 2. (a) If separate, will they be interconnected, and what is policy regarding "sleep-overs"?

>> 2. (b) If shared, what will be the arrangement of the beds?

>> 3. What are the dining arrangements, both aboard ship and during any pre-cruise or post-cruise stay?

>> 4. What time together is expected -- mostly hang together, mostly each do his/her own thing during the day and compare notes over dinner, or somewhere in between?

>> 5. When together, whether aboard ship, ashore, and while travelling, as applicable, who will pay for what?

>> 6. What is expected of each other regarding intimacy and sexual activity? What are the boundaries of acceptable conduct, both in public and in private?

There are as many workable combinations of answers to these questions as there are travel partnerships. What's really important is to make sure that both partners clearly understand and accept the answers in advance, and agree to abide by them during the trip. Where a couple already has a relationship, the answers to some of these questions may already be known. When the relationship is new, however, it's important to discuss all of them and reach an agreement when both parties are sober and alert.

Also, any changes to the agreement during the trip should be by mutual discussion when both parties are sober and alert.

Norm.
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Old February 22nd, 2011, 11:25 PM
ednotmilkman's Avatar
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you make it sound so complicated, Norm. like between a librarian and a lawyer.
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