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Things I Bet You Don’t Know About Cruising

Written by: Kuki

With literally hundreds of media outlets covering the cruise industry with almost microscopic coverage, there are very few secrets about the industry that are unexposed.

However, in this article I will present some facts about the industry that I have no doubt you’ll never see anywhere else.

For example, did you know that prior to a new ship entering service, the cruise line gathers the entire crew prior to the ship’s christening and hold a spelling bee? The top four finishers in the spelling bee then compete in an arm wrestling competition. And at the point, the winner is declared Captain. Their reasoning is the role of the Captain must be handled by someone who is both smart and strong. Actual maritime training is of minimal importance.

Prior to every sailing of every ship a lottery is held on board prior to boarding passengers. Every cabin number is thrown into a giant bin, and 4 cabin numbers are drawn. Those 4 cabins are then pre-determind to not receive their luggage. The Guest Relations department is the only department  to remain uninformed about which cabins have been chosen to  forgo receiving their luggage.  The purpose of this lottery is solely to provide entertainment for the staff and crew. Over the years they’ve found giving the crew something to laugh about, watching some of the ensuing mayhem, has proven to be an excellent morale builder.

When surveyed most cruise passengers say they cruise for the great food, or the excellent entertainment, or the fabulous destinations. But do you know the real reason? … Regardless of the demographic of any particular sailing there is more sex occurring on a cruise vacation, than any other type of vacation.

If during a specific sailing monitoring find the rates to be falling short in this activity, the crew are required to make up the short fall in frequency rates.

In 2014, a new Royal Caribbean ship will be outfitted with the first Liposuction Clinic at sea. However, the most innovative part of this treatment is guests will not be required to remain in the clinic during the procedure. They will be outfitted with specially designed portable units, which will allow them to enjoy dining at buffet, while being mechanically slimmed at the same time.

The “experts” believe that once this program is totally functional fleet wide, the rise in the rates of sexual activity on board will also skyrocket, and as a result, guest’s post cruise satisfaction survey results will skyrocket.

- A View From The Kuki Side of Cruising -

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Comments

Comment from Kenneth Eden
Time March 7, 2012 at 10:23 am

Ah, and here is one we all suspect: the old fart that rubs his bare but in the buffet line and refuses to use Purell. Same guy refuses to use Purell in the entry to the MDR too.

My, isn’t noro divine!

Comment from Kenneth Eden
Time March 8, 2012 at 5:52 am

And on a smaller note, size of the passenger that is, parents that do not use Purell on their kids hands when lined up for any function on the ship. Not to mention, diaper sporting toddlers, with or with out tiaras, in the pool.

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