Responses to Silly Cruise Questions
Written by: Paul Motter
For the record – I don’t personally think there are any “stupid cruise questions.”
Sometimes a person has certain information she really needs to know. But most of us in the industry are aware of a famous “stupid cruise questions” list that gets repeated on almost every cruise, mostly for the benefit of the people who have no cruise experience. But those of us who have heard them all 100 times find them to be no more amusing than the average knock-knock joke.
But the list of well-known “stupid cruise questions” is in the repertoire of most cruise directors and ship comedians so I hear them all the time, but for the record – out of a list of 30 “Stupid Cruise Questions” here are the only ones I think are truly funny in the sense that someone would actually ask them.
1. What time is the Midnight Buffet?
2. Who’s driving the ship (when they meet the captain)?
3. Why is my cabin is so much smaller than the pictures?
4. What is the best side of the ship for a cruise?
5. Does the ship generate its own electricity?
6. Does the crew live onboard?
7. How can I tell which pictures are ours?
8. Where is the ocean view I was promised (before the ship sets sail).
9. Can I buy a daily newspaper when the ship is at sea?
10. Where do you put the ice carvings after the buffet?
I will let you make up your own answers for the questions above, but some of my favorites include “Actually, your cabin is bigger than the pictures, but not by much.” And “Yes” to the “can I buy a daily newspaper when the ship is at sea?” At least that is true on some cruise lines today.
More Stupid Cruise Questions – Elevation?
One of the most commonly mentioned “stupid cruise question” was “What is our elevation?”
Obviously, a ship always floats at sea level – but if you mean “how far above the water line are we when standing on deck 12?” then your “elevation” is closer to 50 ft than sea level. That’s a perfectly valid question. At least I thought so when I asked it.
One crew member said he was in Glacier Bay, Alaska, when he was asked “what is our elevation?” I suppose many people confuse elevation with “latitude.” Surprisingly, Glacier Bay is only 58-degrees north – when the North Pole is 90% north. On European cruises north of Norway I have been above 80-degrees north.
I recently asked my readers to send me some original funny stories regarding cruise questions and incidents – and I did receive some clever jokes I hadn’t heard for a long time.
I received an email from a crewmember who was asked by an innocent passenger “Does this elevator stop at deck 11?” and he replied “Only if you want it to…” Okay – that is a perfectly valid question and the fact that someone would bother to send it to me as a “silly cruise question” only shows how far some people will overreach with this concept. To me that is more of stupid answer than a stupid question.
I received several emails citing “do these stairs go up?” as a hilariously stupid question. I never found this question to be that funny. Obviously the question is “how far do these stairs go up?” I once started to ask an officer if a set of stairs went up to deck 10 but he started laughing rather vigorously before I could finish the question; when I got to “Do these stairs go up…” he bust a gut. I wanted to “deck” that officer with a good gut-check of my own, to be honest with you.
Funny Cruise Stories
A little old lady is invited to dine at the captain’s table where she asks him, “Sir, do these magnificant ships sink very often?” The captain replies, “Only once, madam.” Once again, silly question or silly answer?
But this lady was no fool, and knew she had been made an object of ridicule. So she wrote a letter to the cruise line’s president complaining she was “forced to eat with the crew.”
Here is another funny story, possibly (or possibly not). Last April 11. 2012, was the 100-year anniversary of the sinking of Titanic. Is 100 years still “too soon?” I will let you be the judge…
Just before he decided to jump into a life boat, Bruce Ismay, the President of the Titanic’s White Star Line, asked Captain Edward Smith how far it was to the nearest soil. “It’s about two miles,” the captain replied. “Straight down.”
If you have more somewhat original cruise jokes and stories please keep them coming, my email address is firstname.lastname@example.org.
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Posted: September 12th, 2012 under Paul Motter.