Originally Posted by Paul Motter
So, am I supposed to take the high road and say "well, the guy was sick, I understand?" I can forgive him, but I just can't ever say "I would have done the same thing if I was in his shoes."
Lending money to friends is one of the best ways to lose friends. Ever has it been, and ever shall it be.
He's gone, and there's obviously no practical or humane way to collect what you're owed. Seems to me that you would serve yourself best by trying to put it behind you, to remember your friendship for the good times, and yes, forgive him in your heart. Beyond that, you're just asking questions that can't be answered, so why try?
Obviously, you have learned from the experience.
We watched one of Terry's cousins sink from a brilliant and highly successful career into the hell of paranoid schizophrenia. For years we were great friends as well as relatives. As she was hitting bottom, and after she was evicted from her lovely home, she begged us for money. At the time I said that if I thought it would help her I give her twice what she asked for (and she asked for quite a bit). Instead, we gave her a much smaller amount, knowing full well that we'd never see a penny of it again.
What we still get instead (more than 25 years later) are regular phone calls (which we don't answer), with vile, hateful messages that are beyond description and which Terry never hears if I get to the machine first. She treats the rest of the family the same way and worse, most especially her sister who has done more for her than anybody else, and who puts up with her constant abuse.
The whole situation has been awful literally for decades, but no cash infusion would have or will ever make any difference. She's a lost soul, and there's nothing anybody can do about it.
A bit of a different kind of situation, I know, but most of the same rules seem to apply. If you "lend" money, pretend you gave it away. Because almost always, you have.