The Radiance of the Seas show band is playing snazzily as the well fed passengers file in from the second seating. It’s the late night show and everybody is in an ebullient mood. There is word about the Friends of MrTractor sailing this November and friends of MrT, Bama, Rumncoke, Planers Edge, DebinNH, Fourxk and the whole gang are anxious to see the envelope produced. They step lively to their seats even thought they have just come from a sumptuous feast, prepared specially by the chef in honor of the event. Chateau Briand and Lobster Tails were made available to anyone who whispered the word “FOMT” in the ear of the Maitre‘d. As the crowd settles into their seats, the din of conversation rises to a fever pitch. The house lights begin to flash and the revelers finally take their seats. As is the custom with all FOMT, there is no seat saving tonight. Each passenger has arrived in time and has made room for others as best as they can. They understand, it’s just the FOMT thing to do.
The house lights now dim to darkness and a single beam of white light begins to scan the audience as if searching. Suddenly, as if by magic, Cruise Director Ken Rush appears from the audience. He is dressed in drag. And as he leaps to his feet, the sequined dress he is wearing causes the spotlight to cast thousands of tiny specks of light to dance off the entire room. The show band plays a snappy rendition of the theme from Cabaret as Ken glides across center stage. The crowd claps rhythmically as the CD sings, off key, and finishes with a slide across the stage in front of the orchestra as his number ends. The passengers erupt into a thunderous applause as Ken rises to his feet.
Then comes the moment they all have been waiting for. A drum roll pierces the darkness and Ken speaks. They all understand the importance of this announcement. Strong support from FOMT means an increase in the prestige of Royal Caribbean. “Ladies and Gentlemen, it is with great pleasure that I present to you the one, the only, one of the most well loved and accomplished cruiseaholics of all…….
BAMA X 2!
The show band blasts off into a rousing rendition of Lynard Skynard’s “Sweet Home Alabama” and the crowd claps rhythmically as BAMA reaches center stage. He is wearing a Hawaiian print shirt under his traditional black tuxedo jacket, swim trunks and spikeless golf shoes with argyle socks. Classic.
“Wow. This is really kewl!”
Applause of unimaginable proportions bursts from the hands of thousands. They start to spontaneously chant “We Love BAMA, We Love BAMA….”
Bama basks in the glory of the spotlight, but finally raises his hands to quiet the anxious crowd. He reaches into the pocket of his tuxedo and produces an envelope. It glimmers in the spotlight from the dusting of sand still in BAMA’s pocket from the last cruise. A hush falls over the crowd as he slowly takes a card from inside. He unfolds the card and with a devilish grin he speaks. “Ladies and Gentlemen, the current count of M & M members of FOMT is………….
Without even realizing it, the whole audience leans forward at once. The Gas Turbine Engines adjust immediately to the shift in the ships balance.
Oh, uh, sorry, just couldn’t resist!
The Number of passengers going on the FOMT cruise November 2, 2003 is…..
*MrTractor and Bronze Goddess (2)
*PLANERSEDGE and Rumncoke (2)
*BAMA X 2 and TW (2)
*DebinNH and Rick (2)
Barbie and Ken (2)
Flying Phish (4)
Did I forget anyone!??!?!? I hope not!