What is the funniest thing you've ever seen on a cruise? Was it something another passenger did, or didn't do? Was it something you did or didn't do?
I'll never forget playing golf on the putting green on the Grand Princess. Every time I'd get that darned ball close to the hole, a breeze would come up and push it a couple strokes away. Ofcourse, when everyone else was putting, the wind was as calm as could be. It really made golfing on that little course challenging!
You know how sometimes even during the check-in process you spot someone who for some unknown reason just makes your teeth chafe (and if you are lucky you don't have them at your dinner table :-)
In this case it was a short, 5'2", guy with his wife & kids, and he was acting like the total know-it-all, but you could tell he had probably never seen a ship before. He had a cell-phone and a walkie-talkie on his belt, a camera and a camcorder. Potbelly, shirt unbuttoned to his chest, Gucci sunglasses on a string and Birkenstocks.
All during the cruise I kept running into him and I'd hear him mis-using nautical terms, like "oh yeah, we're really tearing now, we must be going 20 fathoms"
The last port day was Cabo, he was on our shore-ex for snorkeling. Of course, he showed up in his brand-new wetsuit, and had his own "Ferrari" dive mask, etc. We all snorkeled at distant beach and changed to our street clothes for our ride back. In the boat we circled around the tip of Baja to see the famous arch and as we hit calmer water he picked up his camera and knocked his Gucci sunglasses overboard where they floated on the water. He was in his street clothes now, but he casually leaned over (this guy always knew what he was doing) and tried to grab his glasses, but he lost his grip and fell fully clothed into the water.
But the best line I ever heard was Kuki's... he was standing with his son in a buffet line on Holland America. In front of them was an obese gentleman who was holding up the line for everyone. All of the sudden the rotund gentleman's beeper on his belt started paging him with a "beep beep beep"
Kuki's son said, "Look out dad, I think he's going to back up."
In January 2000 on the Grand Princess, we got into an elevator on the bottom deck, about three decks up, an elderly couple, who wanted to go down to the bottom deck, got on. Upon getting off the elevator on the top deck, the lady followed me, he husband started yelling at her that this wasn't where they wanted to go. She promptly turned around and told him, we have to get off, this elevator doesn't go back down! Guess Princess puts in a new elevator it goes on full cycle up!
Paul -- can really relate to your annoying people story - on 14 day Inaugural Millenium cruise, my family of 5 saw another family of 5 (can't explain why they grated sooo badly...) constantly! They were seated at a table very near ours. They were on all our tours. They were on our flight home, even! I think walking down the plane aisle on the way home and finding those 2 blonde daughters was one of the funniest things...
20+ years ago on an Alaska cruise, I had run down to the cabin for some reason( bottom deck ). Heading back, the elevator stopped on the next deck and there stood a little old lady built like a 5 foot tall NFL linebacker. She rumbles in and we rise one deck, the elevator stops again and she charges out like she's blitzing the quarterback, stops about 3 ft out, spins left, spins right looking around franticly. I hold the door and ask" Where do you want to go"? "Promenade deck" says she, " I'll show you where it is" says Mr. Nice Guy. We rise one more deck and the elevator opens again and the blitz is on again. I get her back inside and promise I'll tell when to get off. (little did I know at the time). Up another deck and the damn door opens again, I'm not pushing the buttons and she's not pushing them either but there she goes again. I hold the door, crook a finger at her, and we procede. Once more we stop for no reason, door opens and she blasts off. Finally we get to the Promenade deck and I say" NOW this is it" She charges off the elevator does her left-right spin move and says " This isn't the deck I want" And gives me a roundhouse right in the belly!! Luckily I am the size of an NFL linebacker but I was still doubled over laughing and trying to catch my breath and she was back in the elevator and gone.
I'm dying laughing again!!! Dan, that was so funny! You had more patience than I would have and I don't think I would have taken that punch quite as nicely as you did! Loved reading your writing. You must be a writer?
Okay, this is the funniest thing I have witnessed on a cruise - on our only cruise there was the CD and a member of the cruise staff who were very "exuberant" and by the middle of the cruise were becoming annoying so we made up nicknames for them. Gopher was the CD and Bubbles was the cruise staff member. One night at a deck party Bubbles was flitting back and forth chirping. Someone in our party made a comment about it. My daughter, who had not been with us when we made up the nicknames and is very gullible asked "Who is Bubbles'? and my friend straightfaced said "Gopher's girlfriend" My daughter's puzzled look had us in tears!
Last year we were heading in for lunch and there was a very heavy gentleman coming out of the dining room with a linen napkin tucked into his pants. We saw him several times that afternoon in different places on the ship still with the napkin tucked in. Apparently no one had the heart to tell him.