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Old January 28th, 2004, 09:00 PM
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Default Father doesn't know best!

Well, as some of you may recall, Dad was in the hospital a few weeks ago and got partial surgery done for home dialysis treatments. Once he got out of the hospital he was to continue to get dialysis treatments 3 times a week until his blood cleaned up enough to get the other half of the surgery. He was not diligent in doing so. He would rather drink.

On Tuesday they put him in the hospital ICU because of internal bleeding. They were going to give him a colonoscopy to see if they could find out what was causing the bleeding but he had to not eat for 36 hours and also drink this gallon of liquid. He took a couple of glasses but didn't finish it "because he didn't like it" so they couldn't do the colonoscopy and went ahead and fed him breakfast this morning.

I've been trying to locate him all afternoon and finally found out he checked himself out of the hospital and supposedly went home. But he's not at home either.

I have no idea where he is, but knowing Dad like I do, he is probably trying to find himself some booze. It won't be long before he kills himself.

I know this is a bummer post, sorry.

Regards,
Thomas
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Old January 28th, 2004, 09:21 PM
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Default Re: Father doesn't know best!

Thomas,
I am so sorry to hear about your father's self-destructive behavior. I know how hard it has been for you to stand by and watch it happen. My prayers are with your father, that he realize how much he needs to take care of himself, and also with you that he give you the strength to deal with what is happening.

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Old January 28th, 2004, 09:22 PM
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Default Re: Father doesn't know best!

Geez Thomas, it is a bummer post, but I suppose that can't be helped. Same can be said about your dad (can't be helped). I know you and your sisters have done your best, but if someone doesn't want to be helped, what more can you do? Wishing you strength and best of luck with this unfortunate situation.....

donna

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Old January 28th, 2004, 09:27 PM
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Default Re: Father doesn't know best!

Thomas.....I have dealt with this in the past in regards to some of my patients. There is NOTHING you can do or say to change your father's mind or his behavior. What you can do is accept that this is who he is; that you and your sisters have done your best, and the rest is in God's (and your father's) hands. God Bless you and your family, Thomas.

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Old January 28th, 2004, 09:30 PM
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Default Re: Father doesn't know best!

Wise advice Lisa.

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Old January 28th, 2004, 09:33 PM
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Default Re: Father doesn't know best!

Thomas, sorry to hear this bad news. As was said above there is nothing you can do but say a prayer and hope. Not a very good solution I know but there really isn't much you can do. Our thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Stay strong.

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Old January 28th, 2004, 09:39 PM
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Default Re: Father doesn't know best!

Thomas, Lisa said what I was intending to. You all have tried, It is now time to put it in god's hands. Prayers for him, you and your family. It is a hard thing to do I know, but sometimes they don't want help. I know, I have been there myself. Recently lost my mother, who wouldn't speak to me for the rest of her life, because I tried to help her stop drinking.

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Old January 28th, 2004, 09:51 PM
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Default Re: Father doesn't know best!

I doubt there is anyone on this board whose family has not been affected by alcohol in some way. It is a frustrating, infuriating, insipid disease to have or to watch. I think many of us know your feeling of helplessness, anger and frustration.

Like raising kids (although I've never done it!) - you can only take them so far and then the rest is up to them and God.

I wish you some peaceful sleep, courage and strength during this difficult time.
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Old January 28th, 2004, 10:14 PM
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Default Re: Father doesn't know best!

Everyone is right, Thomas, there is nothing you can do...only your Dad can make that decision. My father decided that his booze was more important to him than his kids. Luckily my mother had the presence of mind to divorce him and raise us all by herself. All you can do is put your appreciate and love into those who deserve it.

I finally thanked my mother a few years ago for not making us kids grow up in an alcoholic household, and for giving her all for us....

Take care, and let's all appreciate the good stuff that we have....

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Old January 28th, 2004, 10:14 PM
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Default Re: Father doesn't know best!

Same as what Lisa said. Being a nurse also we see all kinds of people w/a multitude of situations down to sitting outside with their chemo running while they are having a cigarette. But like we have told others before when they have things going on - that is what we are here for. A chain so to speak where you can bounce your feelings & frustrations & none of us will judge you or give too much (snicker snicker) advice. In otherwords - you don't have to walk on eggs with us on the board.
**Keeping you & your family in our prayers Thoams**

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Old January 28th, 2004, 10:19 PM
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Default Re: Father doesn't know best!

Oh Thomas, I'm so sorry. My father died in his 60's from too much drink and too much smoking. It's really hard to watch someone you love self destruct. We all have a tendancy to think there is something more we can do. Judging from what you've said, and judging on the fine person I perceive you to be, you've done your best.

I hope you hear from him soon and that he eventually comes to his senses.

My thoughts and prayers are with you, my friend and with Mrs. Thomas.

dorothy

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Old January 28th, 2004, 11:06 PM
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Default Re: Father doesn't know best!

All my best, Thomas -- you've got friends here, so no worries about your post.

Prayers for you all tonight.

Harry

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Old January 29th, 2004, 12:06 AM
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Default Re: Father doesn't know best!

Thomas bin there, done that. Nothing you can do or say will make any difference. He has to make up his mind to get help and it is out there if he wants it.
How is you Mom doing now?
PS that stuff does taste bad and there is so much of it
Auguste
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Old January 29th, 2004, 05:15 AM
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Default Re: Father doesn't know best!

Tom, I'm sorry that you have to deal with this. I know how stressful it can be. I'm happy that you feel you can share this with us. It just goes to show you that we are more than a cruise site. People here truly are friends. I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

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Old January 29th, 2004, 05:42 AM
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Default Re: Father doesn't know best!

So sorry to hear about your dad Thomas....I too have people in my family who died due to too much to drink. Booze is a true evil , that masks the wonderful person inside.

Stay strong
And sound off anytime here.

Mary Margaret
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Old January 29th, 2004, 07:34 AM
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Default Re: Re: Father doesn't know best!

Thomas as everyone else has said it already..you have done your very best and that is all you can do. I too had<have> several drinkers in my family. They are drug addicts and nothing and I mean nothing can be done to them to change it. They have to do it by themselves...It is truly a sad addiction and my husband and I both never drink because we feel so strongly about this. As a 3 year old child I used to see my Mom get drunk everyday...they divorced and I grew up with my dad..he drank too....

My prayers are with you..........Hang in there my friend...............<<<<<<HUG>>>>>>>

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Old January 29th, 2004, 07:41 AM
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Default Re: Father doesn't know best!

Thomas, my prayers are with you.

I know too well what it's like to deal with a recalcitrant parent. I am in the process of getting a conservatorship for my mother who has always been a problem and who now suffers from dementia and continues to decline. So far, she has refused any and all help, which she very much needs. Now she'll have no choice, and I don't know how that will go. The court date is Feb. 6. It won't surprize me if the conservator puts her in a home immediately, but I don't think that she will do well in that atmosphere.

I guess my prayers are more for you than your father. Everyone is right; you can't do much for him now. You need all the support and internal strength that you can get. I hope you have a strong support system in friends and other family members. Kepp us all posted, and know that we are thinking about you.

J.
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Old January 29th, 2004, 07:43 AM
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Default Re: Father doesn't know best!

Oh my God! I've just discovered this web site a few days ago, never met any of you in person, but I feel like we're sort of a "family" ! How scary and great is that?

Thomas, We all are thinking about you, guy!

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Old January 29th, 2004, 07:49 AM
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Default Re: Father doesn't know best!

Thomas: Hoping this new day will bring some news for you.

As everyone above has said, we are here for you, if not in body, certainly in thought and prayer.

It's amazing how a board like this, and one post like Thomas', can make us forget all the disagreements and debates we have had on other subjects.....some of us who are so opposed to each other on other subjects (like the "Gripes" board) and can get in some heated discussion, can all agree when something serious comes along.

It's not only cruising we have in common, it's being human, humane, and just plain good people.

Hoping today is better for you, Thomas.
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Old January 29th, 2004, 08:02 AM
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Default Re: Father doesn't know best!

Caring thoughts and prayers go out to you.
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Old January 29th, 2004, 09:01 AM
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Default Re: Father doesn't know best!

To Thomas and your Sisters. Hang in there. He may come around be it is too late. Have faith.

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Old January 29th, 2004, 09:39 AM
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Default Re: Father doesn't know best!

Thomas, I am so sorry to hear about your father. Like so many others have said, there is only so much you can do, and you and your sisters can be assured that you have done your best for him. I am sending you and your family hugs, prayers, and support.

Cheers,
Michelle P.

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Old January 29th, 2004, 10:29 AM
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Default Re: Father doesn't know best!

Thanks all for the support and kind words. I have no update other than he's still not at home and not in the hospital.

Dad is 75 years old and for all I know wandering the snowy streets of downtown St. Louis. I want to fly out there to find him but I don't have a single clue where to start looking.

Auguste, Mom is doing well. Getting her strength back through therapy and looking forward to her trip to Hilton Head the next few weeks. She is well on her way to normal again. Thanks.

Regards,
Thomas
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Old January 29th, 2004, 01:01 PM
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Default Re: Father doesn't know best!

Hang in there Thomas, you are in my thoughts and prayers.
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Old January 29th, 2004, 01:37 PM
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Default Re: Father doesn't know best!

Hi Thomas,
What a sad story, there is not much you can do, hopefully he'll get the help he needs so his health will improve. We'll be thinking of you.

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Old January 29th, 2004, 01:49 PM
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Default Re: Father doesn't know best!

Thomas,
Just wanted to let you know I'm thinking about you and hoping for the best. Everyone has said it well already....hang in there.
Angela Z.
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Old January 29th, 2004, 02:02 PM
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Thomas - keeping you & family in my praryers and thoughts.

Jan
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Old January 29th, 2004, 04:05 PM
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Default Re: Father doesn't know best!

Thomas,
I want to let you know that you and your family are in my prayers.

Phyll

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Old January 29th, 2004, 04:36 PM
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Default Re: Re: Father doesn't know best!

Papa and Gram will keep you and your family in our thoughts and prayers. You can't change your Dad's behavior at this time. All you can do is worry a whole lot because one thing will never change, he is Dad. You cannot do much about the self destructive behavior.
Stay well and safe yourself and know that you remain in the thoughts of all the good folks who gather here to chat.
PapaBill
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Old January 29th, 2004, 05:40 PM
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Default Re: Father doesn't know best!

Thomas, I can only hope your father is found soon. It is disheartening when I hear these things. Old age brings on many different problems, more than I care to see and hear about . I know that it is tough right now, but you have to look at any positives you can, for this is what will carry you through. I don't know if I said this before but, before my mom died, she complained to my sister that her frozen dinners didn't taste good. When my sister went over to her apartment she found out that the reason that the frozen dinners didn't taste good was because mom didn't cook them. She was eating them frozen. Take care my friend, I hope you find your father soon. If ever, we are in the Jacksonville area we'll make it a point to stop by and put a face to the (in)famous name. Maybe to have a great meal too. {{grin}}

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