As cat owners we can relate Or is that they own us??
1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby.
Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently
apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth,
pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm
and repeat process.
3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.
4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws
tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with
right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.
5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse
6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear
paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one
hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill
down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.
7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note
to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and
vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.
8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible
from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw,
force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.
9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer to take
taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet
with cold water and soap.
10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer.
Place cat in cupboard, and close door on neck, to leave head showing. Force
mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.
11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink
beer. Fetch bottle of Scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek,
check records for date of last tetanus shot.
Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot.
Throw Tee shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.
12. Call fire department to retrieve the damn cat from across the road.
Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take
last pill from foil wrap.
13. Tie the front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of
dining table, find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth
followed by large piece of filet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically
and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.
14. Consume remainder of Scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room,
sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants
from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.
15. Arrange for SPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and call local pet shop to
see if they have any hamsters.
HOW TO GIVE A DOG A PILL:
1. Put it in a wiener.
2. Toss it in the air.
Round trip San Francisco Mex Riv, Mercury May 4, 2005
Transatlantic from Rome on Galaxy Oct 17, 2005
Round trip Los Angeles to Hawaii, Summit March 26, 2006
Post Edited (10-06-04 02:03)
__________________ Ready to Steer towards another cruise
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I first saw that story several years ago, at a time when I had three felines. They were about 13 years old at the time, and each had some problem or another that required medication. All I can say, Steve, is that your story isn't that far from reality. It was a traumatic experience every time I had to administer their pills, and I still have some of the scars to prove it.
That was really funny, Steve, and oh, so true. It took two of us to give our 14-yr.old Siamese his pills every day. The cat hotel used a tube-like thing with no problems. I remember having to give one of our cats a pill when my husband was away, and it went a lot like your instructions!