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Old February 15th, 2005, 04:26 PM
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Default My son

Anyone out there live in a state where there is Anti-Bullying legislation for schools? I have a 14 year old learning disabled son that has been getting teased on a daily basis for the last 3-4 years & I have hit my limit with the excuses I am getting from adminsitration. I was picked on when I was in school 25 years ago from grade school through High School, and will not accept some of the answers I am getting from other parents or school board members that "kids are being kids", or "teasing makes you stronger". My son has been teased by kids at Movie Theatres & while shopping while these kids are with their parents. It amazes me that manners and respect are optional values that are taught when raising kids in some households. Please pray with me that my son feels the love that my wife & I show him every day. My son wants to have as many friends as the other kids, we were driving home school last Thursday in a steady rain stormas we passed a kid getting saoked walking Home. My son asked that I turn around and give the kid a ride home, because he went to school with him & he knew the kid still had at least another 15 minutes longer before he would get to his house. I thought it was odd that this young man that My son knew were not talking at all, and as he exited my car and my Son said good-bye, there was no response, just the slam of the car door. My son told me as we were leaving, "he is one of the worst ones", fighting back the tears on the way home, I was asking myself in my mind "If I run into one of my enemies in a storm, will I push self aside". So my son can't read,run, or learn as fast as others, but while we are comparing things, let's measure his heart vs. yours more importantly mine! I didn't mean to preach, I just get fired up when I talk about my kids. 10 Months & 3 days until we board the Glory for the W. Caribbean!
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Old February 15th, 2005, 05:27 PM
Cruizin K and J
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Your story is a very sad commentary that reflects on what poor parents people make these days. A universal question: why are these people allowed to have children at all?

I guess if I were in your shoes and experienced this situation first hand, I'd nail the offending kid with a good tongue lashing and whatever other punishment I deemed appropriate.

Does your child know martial arts? It might a good thing for him to learn regardless of how long it takes. It could supply some much-needed self-confidence,inner discipline, and moral strength.

Judy
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Old February 15th, 2005, 06:56 PM
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Default Re: My son

It is too bad that parents are not raising their children to accept everybody.

Your son has a good head on him. He will do well in life.
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Old February 15th, 2005, 07:15 PM
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Default Re: My son

I'm sorry to hear about the pain your son and your family is experiencing. I don't understand why that kind of behavior is allowed and excused either. I know that many people can take those negatives and somehow let it drive them to be better people, but a lot of people never get over those scars. I hope and pray that your son will be able to get past all of this, and with your love and guidance overcome them. I hope you will be able to help him find some friends that he can bond with, and get him out of that negative environment.

Phyll

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Old February 15th, 2005, 07:47 PM
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I am a teacher assistant in a special needs classroom. Our kids (Highschool) are main streamed into classes like foods, art and music. They have such a good self image of themselves that when somebody bothers them or makes fun of them they are hurt but can rationalize it as the other person doesn't know any better. My students have an IQ of about 50-70. I guess its all in the way YOU make them feel. Apparently you have made your son a very caring and understanding person. He will make a difference in the world. Maybe by only one person but he will make a difference. Think about how that other kid that you picked up will feel when he is 30 40 or 50 years old. He will never tell that story because it will make him look and feel like a jerk. Tell your son to hang in there. Someday he will be older and maybe wiser.
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Old February 15th, 2005, 07:49 PM
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Default Re: My son

How terrible that your son has to put up with this bullying. But how wonderful that he is so loving that he cares about his classmate, even though he's been mean to him. You have obviously given him so much love that he can see past the mean things, and be sympathetic to someone else!

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Old February 15th, 2005, 08:39 PM
mara
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You should have called the boy back and made him aware that you know how he behaves towards your son and then made hime thank you for the ride home.

Sometimes a wake up call is all these kids neeed. They don't get it from the parents so it is up to normal human beings to educate the less fortunate children of this world that do not have parents that give a damn!!!!
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Old February 15th, 2005, 08:49 PM
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Default Re: My son

Parents and administrators condone bullying when they look the other way with the tired old "they are just being kids" or "boys will be boys" excuse.

We kicked a bully out of our scout troop and his mother seemed genuinely surprised. He was "wasn't any different in scouts than he was at school" was her reasoning. I told her we had a zero tolerance for bullying and hazing no matter HOW the schools see it these days.

Your son sounds like he has a good heart. Would I have stopped in the rain to pick up that boy? Probably not. Be proud of him. He will one day be valued for the good person he is - hope it's sooner for his sake.

dorothy

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Old February 15th, 2005, 10:42 PM
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Default Re: My son

Shame on your school administration! Parents that allow that kind of behavior are nothing less than bullies as well. I am sure it is not possible to monitor behavior every minute of the day,however when it is observed and or reported it should be addressed and the "bully " and his parents should be put on notice. When the teasing and bullying escalates to a level that it interferes with a childs ability to thrive in school it is way past the point of tolerance. Go over your school administrators heads and demand action from the district superintendant, and keep going up until you get a resolution. There is no reason for your son to suffer teasing and taunting. I am sure every teacher at that school has had to take "sensitivity training" in regards to sexual harassment, racism etc. Why should harassment of any other type be tolerated ?

Your son is fortunate to have such caring parents. Enjoy your cruise

Lesley
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Old February 15th, 2005, 10:43 PM
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Default Re: My son

I am extremely sad to hear about your sons plight illiniandy. I also suffered the same problems when I was young.
In New Zealand there has been an anti bullying program run in our schools for some years now.

Please visit the site below to get information on this program run by the NEW ZEALAND Police force. It may help you and your sons school in many ways. I have not read to much about it as I have no children and am no longer bothered by bullies.

http://www.police.govt.nz/service/yes/nobully/

I hope this helps.

This may seem a bit nasty but I think the school administration/board should be up on charges of failing to provide a safe environment for your son.



Post Edited (02-15-05 22:58)
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Old February 15th, 2005, 11:22 PM
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Default Re: My son

Your son showed an inner strength through his action that was more powerful than anything a bully could dish out. Count on the fact that this other kid had something hit very deep in his soul. It may not come out for a while, but be sure it registered inside. These things have a way of working themselves out in life, and your son will realize his own happiness in life.

Kudos to you for raising a fine boy!

banker
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Old February 16th, 2005, 12:09 AM
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Default Re: My son

That kid you gave a ride to may have been inconsiderate and rude, but believe me, someday it will come back to bite him in the butt!!! Be thankful that your son is considerate and kind, especially to suggest that you give a ride home to "the worse of them all"! That just shows how special he is, to be kind to those who are not....your son is destined for something special someday....

Please give him a big hug for me!

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Old February 16th, 2005, 12:25 AM
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Default Re: My son

Andy - check out these websites.......I did a search on one of my local TV station's website as they have an ongoing interest in bullying. Some are more geared to the educators, but some are pretty helpful.

www.didax.com
www.youbigbully.com
safeschools.com
www.peacerug.com
www.theinfinitemind.com

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Old February 16th, 2005, 06:49 AM
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I would ask the administration (school board, then if they were no help the superintendent) what the policy for bullying is in your child's school, or the school district as a whole. I would also ask that there be some sort of mediation. Most schools to day have people in place for these types of things - Guidance Counselor, School Pychologist, etc. I would suggest that they need to do some sort of training. It apparently needs to start with the faculty and support staff on anti-bullying, how to diffuse situation and acceptance of others (this could be discussed on many different planes - race, ethnic, religious...). Then after the the staff has been equipped it should be presented to the student body.

If your school has no policy, ask them why not and how soon they will be putting one into place. That is where the school board comes in. Does your school have a parent - group. This is the sort of thing they could advocate as important and needs to take place in the school.

Ask your son if he notices other students being bullyed for any reason. If so, call or meet these parents and join together, it will be harder for the Administration to ignore many voices.

I worked in and volunteered in school for quite a few years. We were a small school but had all the supports, plus more that I mentioned above. There are always bullys, but they were dealt with, consistently until they got the message their behavior would not be tolerated. We had a large number of children being serviced by Special Ed or other support groups such as Reading Recovery, etc...

Another thing to check out is sometime the local law agencies work with the school on a regular bases. This could be something they address in some of their visits too the school.

I hope you find an answer to your situation. It sounds like your son has compassion.
What a wonderful thing to have instilled in him.

Please keep me posted on how you make out. Will pray things fall into place swiftly.

VTJen
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Old February 16th, 2005, 08:56 AM
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Default Re: My son

I would rather have one friend like your son than to be an insider with the cool and popular group in school. His good heart stands him head and shoulders above these other students regardless of his disability. He may have a learning disability, but it has not kept him from learming what is truly important about life, that of first and foremost being the best person he can be.
Do not stop working to end the bullying but know now that your son is now and always will be a better person than those kids, despite his disability. They are socially disabled and need to live with that all their lives.
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Old February 16th, 2005, 09:15 AM
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Default Re: My son

As the proud Grandfather, of a disabled child, I found out that if an ability is lacking, it is usually compensated by strengthening another ability. It looks as if your sonís ability to look beyond the cruelty offered him, and in return, offers some kindness is a trait that many of us wish we possessed. I wonít unload my religious beliefs on you, but many spend a lifetime trying to live and teach such principles.
You and your son are reaching for the same goal. The difference is, you as a parent, want to solve a horrible problem from the top with one big swoop of administration of law. Where as, your son wants to fix it on his level, one person at a time. Rest assured that, the kid in whom your son and you offered the other cheek, will think deeply about your actions. Every time the kid sees your son he will be haunted with your kindness. That said, the kid still has to make a decision of how to react towards your son. I truly believe that this is where the kidís upbringing will decide the final result. One of the hardest things in the world is to get a kid to start thinking. Every teacher, in the world, will back me on that. You and your son have planted the seed.
I thank you for sharing this story with us. I can only hope that you enstill the fact that, there are more of us out there that truly care and wish nothing but good things for him, than people whom show harm. Be very proud, and learn, as we have, from your sonís actions.
And of course prayers will be offered for a quick resolution of the problem.

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Old February 16th, 2005, 10:06 AM
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Default Re: My son

Wait while I wipe the tears from my eyes............................I can relate to your situation so well. I wrote a whole page in response to this post, then decided you all probably didn't want to hear my life's story. It really ticks me off that if a kid chews gum in school he gets sent down to the Principles Office, but they can tease and taunt a child in the lunch room, in the halls, locker room, or playground, and many times nothing is done. We have always taught our four children that it is unacceptable to tease kids because of a physical or mental disability or for any other reason. I would tell our kids that you never what the future has in store for you and that you might be in such a situation some day. Don't be afraid to fight the school system, after all, you are paying their salaries. Give your son a BIG HUG from me too.
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Old February 16th, 2005, 01:31 PM
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Default Re: My son

Unfortunately, I have heard of parents who had to have restraining orders issued in order to protect their children. It's a very sad commentary on the state of the world today. So sorry to hear that your son is having it so rough. Both my husband and I were tormented by other children throughout school.
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Old February 16th, 2005, 03:19 PM
DENISE H
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your son sounds like a very special person i can realy relate to this i was teased
alot when i was in school and wanted a lots of friends some kids are just awful
my best to your son
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Old February 16th, 2005, 03:28 PM
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Default Re: My son

Our School district does have very strict anti bullying guidelines in place. It is disgraceful that in this day and age your school has not gotten on the NO BULLYING ALLOWED bandwagon.

I feel terrible for your son, my son is also learning disabled, and it hurts to see him try so hard to make and keep friends. He does not get overtly bullyed, but I know he is left out alot. It hurts so bad when our kids hurt.
I try to encourage my son to focus on one friend, and not to worry about " the groups" , we all need a friend, but school is a terrible place for many kids.
Rest assured that his heart will carry him through, and that someone will see him for who is , and not , what he can or can't do.

Tell your son that many of us grown ups were treated badly in school, BUT that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Find him some out of school interest( soccer, art, music, anything!) and hopefully he will find someone within those groups he can bond with.

I would kick some serious butt at school, and I mean that. Don't accept the crap they are pawning off on you" kids will be kids" , point out that kids commit suidcide because of bullying( it HAS happened here, front page news, but the parents did not realize how bad their kids were being treated since the child in this case kept most of it secret from his family, due to embarrassment) Keeping the lines of communication open and continue to be the loving and supportive parent you are, that is the number one thing you can do.

I feel so bad for kids who get marginalized, and the parents of the bullys are 99% to blame, I could seriously knock their heads together!

I hope something changes for your son, but he alreadly has you ,and that is the best thing a child can have, a loving supportive family.
Best wishes, and keep us posted, I really care!
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Old February 16th, 2005, 05:22 PM
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Default Re: My son

Andy, I am so sorry that you and your son are having to struggle with these cruel kids. I assume that you are from the Champaign area based on your screen name and domain. I think that if I were in your situation it would be very difficult for me to keep my cool. Have you checked out Judah or some of the private schools in the area? I know that private schools can be pricey, however Illinois offers some tax breaks that we don't get here in Indiana. I think that since a school such as Judah is a Christian School, you'll find that bullys would be less tolerated there than in public schools. There are never any guarantees but it might be worth checking into. A restraining order may be a last resort, but I think that dragging some of these insensitive brutes in front of the judge and having them answer for behaving in such an unspeakable manner towards your son may be the kind of wake up call they need. Might just scare them. However it also might create an even more hostile environment for your son at school. I don't know if it would be worth the gamble. I feel so bad for both of you. We shouldn't have to send our kids to school with a bodyguard to keep them safe. Take care and I am wishing you the very best in getting this situation resolved.
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Old February 16th, 2005, 06:17 PM
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Default Re: My son

This is so sad, but in reality it happens to so many kids all around the world. I wish there was a fool proof answer for you. I do want to share what one person took the time to do in our school: She knew there was a tremendous "bullying" problem so she decided to start a Bullying Quilt. She took pieces of canvas approx 12 x 12 and gave students the opportunity to draw what bullying means to them (this is in the High School). Paints and markers were used. Once she had about 12 pieces completed, she glued them on heavy duty felt and then put a nice border around the felt. She took this down to the lunch room and hung it on the wall. Then kids started coming up and asking how they could make a picture...well, this project escalated into something big. Everyone started talking about what it meant to be bullied and started looking out for the other person. The quilt grew and soon became two quilts and so on. These quilts then started traveling to state meetings that took place w/the governor and other important people who could get something done. Then some of the kids were invited to attend and share...I guess what I am saying is something small can lead the way to bigger things and get the word out. It doesn't solve the problem, however it did help.
Good luck
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Old February 18th, 2005, 02:26 PM
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Default Re: My son

I have delt with bullies most of my life and have found that they are bullies simply because they can be. Yes sometimes it is to make up for a lack of something but many times it is just because they can push others around. I am NOT advocating your son fight or physically hurt the individual in question but he does need to stand up to him in some manner to let them know that he will not be bullied anymore and that they do not concern him. I was quite short and lightwieght in high school, (5', 90lbs), and a perfect type to be a target for bullies but I refused to be a target by being better than them. I was not bullied. My oldest son was only average in size in school but he actually got in a lot of trouble because he made it his mission to go after those who bullied others. <G> It wasn't right but it showed me where his heart was and even while scolding him it was hard to keep the pride out of my heart. Your son will do okay, he just needs to find himself.
Jim

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