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sue May 5th, 2005 08:45 AM

Feeling sad.....
My dad just called from germany. We talked for about 30min about all different things.He is getting old <78> He thought today was May 1st. I guess today is Fathers day in Germany. I had no idea...I always send him a card in June. Having lived here 20 years I don't follow German holidays. He told me he went to see my mother at the nursing home<they divorced when I was 4 > He told me she looks "terrible", very skinny and does not speak or recognize him. It was her birthday and I wasn't able to be there. Or for any of my family memebrs for that matter..I feel so sad and guilty. They are getting older and I can't be there with them. My aunt's birthday is next week she will be 80. She was like a mother to me all my life. I can't be there either. I am so upset about it and at the same time I almost hate myself for being stuck here. I don't travel well alone so I can't just go there for a visit.

Sorry I just had to vent to my cyber family:(

Thomas May 5th, 2005 08:58 AM

Re: Feeling sad.....
Relax Sue, and stop feeling guilty. This is part of life and we all go through the same thing when our loved ones begin aging. They went through it, your kids will go through it, and their kids will go through it.

My mother and father are also in their late 70's and not very well. Dad lives in Missouri and Mom lives in N.C. I spent a few days in Missouri with Dad at Christmas and last weekend in N.C. with Mom.

They understand your situation and certainly don't want you to feel guilty. Just call them often, talk to them, send pictures, etc. and get over there to visit when you can. That's all you can do.


kimmiegirl May 5th, 2005 09:11 AM

Re: Feeling sad.....
Yes Sue,

Thomas is right. It is all part of the fabric of family life all around the world. Parents raise their children and the children grow up and move on with their lives as they should.

Sometimes that means crossing the globe to far flung places and only being able to keep in touch with your loved ones by phone, email etc. We all have people we care about who are not close (in person) to us but they know that we still care.

My father is only 73 and has Parkinsons Disease. He lives in Devon which in U.S. terms is not very far away but in travelling terms can take up 6 hours with heavy traffic etc. I try to get to see him as much as I can and also call him up each week to see how is.

Don't feel guilty - your parents have lived their lives and would wish you to live yours also.

Phone as often as you can and write to them.

Keep your chin up!


JeanS May 5th, 2005 09:15 AM

Re: Feeling sad.....
I think Thomas had a great suggestion about sending pictures....I'm sure if you make them large enough, they will be able to see them and enjoy them. The next best thing to being there!

And yes, don't feel would obviously be a long trip for can always call and just spend time talking....

kimmiegirl May 5th, 2005 09:21 AM

Re: Re: Feeling sad.....
and of course with the new technology now, I am not sure of what you have avaialble in the U.S. and what your networks are like, but here in the UK we have full 3G technology which means we have video mobile (cell) phones.

Ths means that if you buy one for the person you worry about and you also have one, when you call them, you can also see them and virsa versa - good way of checking on your older relatives that they are ok.

I know could be expensive but is a great solution to seeing people are ok if you cannot physically be there yourself.


CruisinK&J May 5th, 2005 09:41 AM

Re: Feeling sad.....
Sue, I know what it's like. My mother is in a nursing home in Minnesota. She's 88 and has dementia. Her sister is 84 and in another care facility in another part of Minnesota. She'd not doing well at all. With Keith's condition, I can't travel either and I, too, feel guilty. Neither of us should, but there you are.

Thomas is right: call often and send pictures.


sue May 5th, 2005 03:37 PM

Re: Re: Feeling sad.....
It doesn't help I just found a great non stop flight leaving monday coming back sunday at an excellent price. I am such a chicken :( Thanks for the advise!

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