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Old September 13th, 2007, 05:41 AM
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Default Top Morons Of The Year, They Walk Among Us!!

1. WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP? AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked intellectual leadership. He received a $26 million severance package. Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence.

2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS: Police in Oakland, CA spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, off! icers discovered that the man was standing beside them in the police line, shouting, "Please come out and give yourself up."

3. WHAT WAS PLAN B? An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines, wherein the kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts.

4. THE GETAWAY! A man walked into a Topeka , Kansas Kiwi Stop and asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him.

5. DID I SAY THAT? Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn't control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words: "Give me all your money or I'll shoot", the man shouted, "that's not what I said!".




6. ARE WE COMMUNICATING? A man spoke frantically into the phone: "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" the doctor asked.
"No!" the man shouted, "This is her husband!"

7. NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED! In Modesto , CA , Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to simulate a gun. Unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his pocket. (hellooooooo)!

8. THE GRAND FINALE!!! Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert an hour east of Bakersfield, CA, some folks, new to boating, were having a problem. No matter how hard they tried, they couldn't get their brand new 22 foot boat going. It was very sluggish in almost every maneuver, no matter how much power they applied. After about an hour of trying to make it go, they putted into a nearby marina, thinking someone there may be able to tell them what was wrong. A thorough topside check revealed everything in perfect working condition The engine ran fine, the out-drive went up and down, and the propeller was the correct size and pitch. So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath. He came up choking on water, he was laughing ! so hard.
NOW REMEMBER...THIS IS TRUE...
Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the trailer!

I was at the checkout of a K-Mart. The clerk rang up a $46.64 charge. I
gave her a fifty dollar bill. She gave me back $46.64. I gave the
money back to her and told her that she had made a mistake in MY
favor. She became indignant and informed me she was educated and knew
what she was doing, and returned the money again. I gave her the money
back again...same scenario! I departed the store with the $46.64. This
actually happened in Austin at MoPac Boulevard and Parmer Lane.

They Walk Among Us and Many Work Retail.



I walked into a Starbucks with a buy-one-get-one-free coupon for a
Grande Latte. I handed it to the girl and she looked over at a little
chalkboard that said "buy one-get one free." "They're already
buy-one-get-one-free," she said, "so I guess they're both free" She
handed me my free Lattes and I walked out the door.

They Walk Among Us and Many Work Retail.



One day I was walking down the beach with some friends when one of
them shouted, "Look at that dead bird!" Someone looked up at the sky
and said, "Where?"

They Walk Among Us!



While looking at a house, my brother asked the real estate agent which
direction was north because, he explained, he didn't want the sun
waking him up every morning. She asked, "Does the sun rise in the
north?"

When my brother explained that the sun rises in the east, and has for
sometime, she shook her head and said, "Oh I don't keep up with that
stuff."

They Walk Among Us!!



I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call center. One day I
got a call from an individual who asked what hours the call center was
open. I told him, "The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day, 7
days a week." He responded, "Is that Eastern or Pacific time?" Wanting
to end the call quickly, I said, "Uh, Pacific."

They Walk Among Us!



My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car designed to cut through a
seat belt if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the trunk.

They Walk Among Us!



My friends and I were on a beer run and noticed that the cases were
discounted 10%.

Since it was a big party, we bought 2 cases. The cashier multiplied 2
times 10% and gave us a 20% discount.

They Walk Among Us!


I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area, so I went to
the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never
showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a
trained professional and I was in good hands. "Now," she asked me, has
your plane arrived yet?"

They Walk Among Us!



While working at a pizza parlor I observed a man ordering a small
pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he
would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some
time before responding. "Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm
hungry enough to eat 6 pieces."

Yep, They Walk Among Us!



They Walk Among Us, AND they reproduce, and WORST OF ALL.....they VOTE
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---Mark Twain

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Old September 13th, 2007, 09:41 AM
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Should I be worried that 4 out of the top 8 were from California? I think these 4 people are always in front of me on the freeway.
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Old September 13th, 2007, 11:08 AM
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mental giants
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Cruised more times than I can remember.

Good people sleep peaceably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf.

Courage and perserverance have a magical talisman; before which difficulties disappear and obstacles vanish into the air.

Pick your company wisely! Hang around people who are going to help you become all God created you to be.
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Old September 13th, 2007, 10:14 PM
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Old September 15th, 2007, 04:48 PM
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Also a true story. Saw it on the news.
A robbery was foiled when the robber use the back of a his deposit slip with his name and address on it. the cashier handed the note to the manager, who then called the police while the robber waited for his money.
the police were at the bank in 2 minutes.
True...
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